The New York Times discovers Marco Rubio is a human from Earth
Guess who has two legs, a torso, and a bit of debt?
In one of the most memorable Simpsons episodes, the two major presidential candidates, Bill Clinton and Bob Dole, are swapped out with world-invading, shape-shifting aliens, Kang and Kodos. The joke, of course, is that politicians are so far removed from us that they may as well be space aliens.
That's just the way things are. But in the 2016 cycle, there just might be a politician who is something resembling a human being. And The New York Times is determined — determined! — to get to the bottom of it.
In the past few days, the Times has produced two fairly bizarre stories about Florida Senator Marco Rubio, ones that reverberated throughout the media — including on this site.
Subscribe to The Week
Escape your echo chamber. Get the facts behind the news, plus analysis from multiple perspectives.
Sign up for The Week's Free Newsletters
From our morning news briefing to a weekly Good News Newsletter, get the best of The Week delivered directly to your inbox.
From our morning news briefing to a weekly Good News Newsletter, get the best of The Week delivered directly to your inbox.
The first seemed to accuse him of reckless driving, and the other one of reckless financial management. But all they did was show that Marco Rubio — unlike other politicians, it is true — seems like a human being and not a space alien.
Let's start with the driving stuff. Rubio has had four tickets over 20 years. Which sounds fairly human and pedestrian to me. (Especially when it comes to Florida, I've been told.) Since this was scarcely news, the Times decided to pair Rubio's tickets with his wife's. Together, they got 17. It is true that this is a bigger number than four. (One of Mrs. Rubio's tickets was for driving over 20 mph in a 15 mph zone.) To which one feels compelled to ask the Times: Do they really want to set a precedent that presidential spouses' foibles are fair game for the media? Is that the best way to favor the Democrats this cycle?
Because that's where the contrast lies. Hillary Clinton doesn't have tickets because she hasn't driven a car since 1996, and her spouse's foibles include using a charitable organization to peddle influence and share private jets with convicted pedophiles.
The whole episode is, frankly, ridiculous. It is fitting that it has helped Rubio raise money from online supporters, and that it was celebrated with the deliciously ironic hashtag #RubioCrimeSpree ("11 items in the '10 items or less' line").
The financial mismanagement stuff, on the surface, seems more interesting. Rubio, whose parents aren't well off, took out a mountain of student loans to go through college and law school, and subsequently threw himself into politics, a not-so-lucrative career. He bought a few houses for his family with no money down (ah, Florida in the mid-aughts). He hasn't saved money. His financial situation only seems to have rectified with two fat book advances he earned after he became a media darling. But when he got his book advance, he paid down a lot of debt, yes, but he also bought a "luxury speedboat," the Times sneered.
And then it came out that the "luxury speedboat" is actually a pretty regular-looking fishing boat, one so small that it actually fits in Hillary Clinton's swimming pool.
It is true that some parts of Rubio's financial history do call his judgement into question, like taking out an additional home equity line of credit to pay for renovations at the top of the housing bubble. But this element only highlights what the rest of the story screams: That Rubio's financial history is like that of most Americans, and so very human.
I am, frankly, one not fit to throw stones over financial mismanagement. Not saving enough, buying a house too large, occasionally splurging on a guilty pleasure — these are all things that we do, in one form or another, at some point or another. By the way, did I mention Bill Clinton gets $500,000 a speech and the Clinton Foundation took money from companies and countries with business before Hillary's State Department?
Which raises the question of why we're seeing these stories from the country's (liberal) paper of record. Maybe it's because Rubio is young, smart, charismatic, Latino, and understands the GOP's problem with the middle class and minorities. And so he scares the left.
Instead, they really want you to vote for Kodos.
Create an account with the same email registered to your subscription to unlock access.
Sign up for Today's Best Articles in your inbox
A free daily email with the biggest news stories of the day – and the best features from TheWeek.com
Pascal-Emmanuel Gobry is a writer and fellow at the Ethics and Public Policy Center. His writing has appeared at Forbes, The Atlantic, First Things, Commentary Magazine, The Daily Beast, The Federalist, Quartz, and other places. He lives in Paris with his beloved wife and daughter.
-
Today's political cartoons - September 7, 2024
Cartoons Saturday's cartoons - football widows, meddling kids, and more
By The Week US Published
-
Smoking ban: the return of the nanny state?
Talking Point Starmer's plan to revive Sunak-era war on tobacco has struck an unsettling chord even with some non-smokers
By The Week UK Published
-
Crossword: September 7, 2024
The Week's daily crossword puzzle
By The Week Staff Published
-
A brief history of third parties in the US
In Depth Though none of America's third parties have won a presidential election, they have nonetheless had a large impact on the country's politics
By Joel Mathis, The Week US Published
-
How could J.D. Vance impact the special relationship?
Today's Big Question Trump's hawkish pick for VP said UK is the first 'truly Islamist country' with a nuclear weapon
By Harriet Marsden, The Week UK Published
-
Biden, Trump urge calm after assassination attempt
Speed Reads A 20-year-old gunman grazed Trump's ear and fatally shot a rally attendee on Saturday
By Peter Weber, The Week US Published
-
Supreme Court rejects challenge to CFPB
Speed Read The court rejected a conservative-backed challenge to the way the Consumer Financial Protection Bureau is funded
By Peter Weber, The Week US Published
-
Arizona court reinstates 1864 abortion ban
Speed Read The law makes all abortions illegal in the state except to save the mother's life
By Rafi Schwartz, The Week US Published
-
Trump, billions richer, is selling Bibles
Speed Read The former president is hawking a $60 "God Bless the USA Bible"
By Peter Weber, The Week US Published
-
The debate about Biden's age and mental fitness
In Depth Some critics argue Biden is too old to run again. Does the argument have merit?
By Grayson Quay Published
-
How would a second Trump presidency affect Britain?
Today's Big Question Re-election of Republican frontrunner could threaten UK security, warns former head of secret service
By Harriet Marsden, The Week UK Published