The Week contest: PC holiday

This week's question: A string of U.S. radio stations have banned the 1944 song "Baby It's Cold Outside," over fears that the suggestive holiday classic may be "triggering" and inappropriate for the #MeToo era. If a musician were to record a holiday song guaranteed not to offend anyone, what title would it have?
Click here to see the results of last week's question: Eat bugs
RESULTS:
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THE WINNER: "We Three Kings of Different Orientations Are"
Steve Ziobro, Reeseville, Wisconsin
SECOND PLACE: "Woken in a Winter Wonderland"
Laurel Wroten, Petaluma, California
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THIRD PLACE: "All I Want for Christmas Is Your Consent"
Sarah Eustis, Cambridge, Massachusetts
HONORABLE MENTIONS:
"The Average-Sized Drummer Child"
Thomas Mistele, Flemington, New Jersey
"The First NO-el means NO"
Tom Johnson, New Richmond, Wisconsin
"I'm Dreaming of a White Privilege"
Mike Meredith, Seattle
"I Saw Mommy Dissing Santa Claus"
Cathy Clayton, Jacksonville Beach, Florida
"Baby, It's Cold Outside (Call an Uber)"
Laurel Rose, Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania
"Beige Christmas"
Mike Elliot, Los Angeles
"Celibate Night"
David Ward, Walnut, California
"Rudolph the Rosacea-Victim Reindeer"
Greg Mistele, Peapack, New Jersey
"I'll Be Home for No Particular Reason"
Tim Mistele, Coral Gables, Florida
"Frosty the Snowhuman"
Dick LaVine, New York City
"I Saw Mommy Shaking Hands with Santa Claus"
Catherine Pomiecko, Natick, Massachusetts
"The Organic Holly and the Non-GMO Ivy"
Janine Witte, New Hope, Pennsylvania
"Let It Snowflake"
Jim Daly, Thousand Oaks, California
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