The daily gossip: Dolly Parton rewrites '9 to 5' to be a dystopian ode to capitalism, Kylie Jenner still threw a giant birthday party for Stormi, and more

1. Dolly Parton rewrites '9 to 5' to confusingly celebrate having a second job

Dolly Parton has rewritten her empowering labor anthem "9 to 5" … to celebrate the gig economy and working a second job. The revamped song, called "5 to 9," plays in a Super Bowl ad spot for Squarespace directed by Oscar winner Damien Chazelle, and includes lyrics like, "Working 5 to 9/ You've got passion and a vision/ Cuz it's hustlin' time/ A whole new way to make a livin'." Journalist David Sirota called the ad "the most dystopian ad I've ever seen," pointing out that "adding 5-9 to your 9-5 job means you're working 9-9 to try to survive." Critic Hilary Hughes agreed, tweeting that the new version — which proposes remedying being underpaid by taking on more work, and celebrates the endless grind of capitalism with primary colors and happy dancers — is "the antithesis of [the original] '9 to 5.'"

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2. Kylie Jenner canceled Stormiworld 3, but also kinda didn't cancel Stormiworld 3

The Jenner-Kardashian clan has once again dropped the ball on reading the room. On Monday, Kylie Jenner shared photos of her daughter's over-the-top third birthday party, despite claiming that she'd canceled the annual "Stormiworld" celebration. "I still went all out for Stormi at my house and we're doing a cousin party for her and all her cousins and my family which will be amazing," Jenner explained, before breaking just about every part of Los Angeles' Stay at Home order with the still-massive celebration. On the bright side, Stormi got to enjoy her nightmare-fuel bouncy slide again? On the downside: Kylie, there's people that are dying.

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3. Pranksters change Hollywood sign to read 'Hollyboob'

Six people were arrested Monday for having the sense of humor of a fourth grader. The Los Angeles Police Department said they charged five men and one woman with misdemeanor trespassing after the group snuck into Griffith Park overnight, and changed the world-famous Hollywood sign to read "Hollyboob" by putting a tarp with a "B" over the "W," and attaching a white dash to the "D" to make it a "B." "It's unfortunate that such an important icon for the city of L.A. is not being appreciated," said Mark Panatier, a representative of the Hollywood Sign Trust who apparently can't take a joke. The police confirmed the trespassers did no damage the sign, only to their own reputations as pranksters for going with the laziest iteration of the gag.

Los Angeles Times

4. Britney Spears just wants to have fun

Britney Spears is "trying to learn how to use technology in this technology driven generation." Even though she "can't stand" the tech, she continues to gift the world impromptu Instagram dance videos. Rather than being grateful, some people are giving the pop star hate for her spontaneous moves. "If my posts aren't perfect ... I'm doing this for fun," Spears wrote, addressing the trolls. "If you think I should look like I'm on a magazine cover when I dance .... sorry ain't happening." Maybe the Britney haters can take a note from her and try having a little fun. "For me, it's fun to dance like this," she captioned a recent video. "I highly recommend it for anyone who needs to add some more mojo in their day …. or whatever they call it !!!!"

Entertainment Tonight

5. The Bachelor is here for love, not bullying

Rumors, insults, and crown-snatching, oh my! After Bachelor Matt James was made aware of bullying among contestants, he stepped into the role of teacher and addressed the class. "If you're having to belittle someone else for you to shine, then those aren't the qualities I'm looking for in my wife," James told the group on Monday's episode. He spoke individually to the two women at the center of the bullying, and sent them home. "Any type of name-calling people try to pass off as playing around, but it's not playing around to the people on the receiving end of it," he said on Good Morning America. "When that was made aware to me, I had to act on it." And that concludes our refresher on the elementary lesson of basic human decency, thanks ABC!

Vulture