Last Night on Late Night
Luckily for Rep. Marjorie Taylor "Gazpacho Police" Greene (R-Ga.), most late night hosts are taking this week off. But not all of them.
"The Republican Party is having a bit of an internal squabble right now," sharply "divided over whether the violent insurrection of Jan. 6 was a violent insurrection or just a lively sightseeing tour of the Capitol," Jimmy Kimmel said on Wednesday's Kimmel Live. After the Republican National Committee suggested the rioters were engaged in "legitimate political discourse," Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell (R-Ky.) "poked his head out from under his shell to counter that statement," Kimmel said. "Well, welcome to the resistance, Emperor Palpatine. Just to show you how far down the crazy hole we've gone, we're now applauding Republicans who are willing to admit what happened, happened. But there's not just crazy, there's some dumb going, too."
"Exhibit A" was Greene and her "rather outlandish claim about Nancy Pelosi" and her "gazpacho police," Kimmel said, showing Greene's televised malapropism. "That's right, if you've got cold soup, you'd better watch it because Nancy Pelosi's coming for it. These must be the soup Nazis Seinfeld warned us about so many years ago. And if the gazpacho police get hold of you, they'll throw you right in the goulash, so be very careful."
The Daily Show's Trevor Noah focused on the $3.6 billion worth of stolen bitcoin the Justice Department just recovered, and the couple they accused of trying to launder that cryptocurrency. "You might think that everyone who uses bitcoin would be happy that the police would be able to track down this stolen crypto, but it turns out, no," he said. "Because cryptocurrency is supposed to be anonymous, and if the FBI can trace bitcoin to someone who might have stolen it, what's to stop them from tracking innocent people who are just using bitcoin to buy heroin and automatic weapons?"
"Now you're probably wondering, who are the criminal geniuses who are part of one of the biggest financial crimes in history?" Noah said. "Well, you know when they say you should never meet your heroes? Yeah, this is why." He poked at the male half of the pair, Ilya Lichtenstein, but he savaged Heather Morgan, a self-described entrepreneur-journalist-rapper. "I know what you're thinking: the bitcoin crimes are nothing compared to calling this sh-t rap," Noah said, showing just enough to rest his case.