Sex doll’s husband considers dating humans

A Kazakhstani bodybuilder who married his sex doll has announced that he is open to dating a human. Describing himself as a “pansexual”, Yuri Tolochko said he can love anything from an “image” to a “soul”. Dropping a bombshell, he said that after marrying his doll, Margo, he cheated on her with a “strange object” and a supermarket chicken while she was getting “plastic surgery” over Christmas.

Thief hands back flamingo

A man who drunkenly stole and ornamental flamingo from someone’s garden has apologised and handed back the bird. The theft was captured on CCTV footage that showed the man swipe the pink ornament from decking in the front garden while smoking a cigarette, in Dunfermline, Fife. Speaking of the bird bandit’s subsequent mea culpa, the statue’s owner said: “He was very apologetic, saying that he couldn’t remember stealing the bird as he was drunk.”

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US army storms olive oil factory

A team of US special forces mistakenly stormed a private olive oil factory during a recent exercise in Bulgaria. The US Embassy in Bulgaria says US soldiers assigned to the 173rd Airborne Brigade had been simulating seizing and securing the Cheshnegirovo airfield in south central Bulgaria when the clanger occurred. The owner of the olive oil factory has filed a lawsuit.