How (and why) to have the inheritance talk with family sooner than later

Death, and the financial legacy someone might leave behind after they pass, is not an easy topic to bring up. Perhaps because of that, many people avoid talking about it altogether. An estimated "one-third of Americans say they don't plan to have the inheritance talk with their family, according to a new study done by financial services company Edward Jones with consulting firm NEXT360 Partners and research firm Morning Consult," said The Wall Street Journal in a recent report.

But the hard conversations aren't going to get any easier once everyone involved is no longer there for them. Indeed, said the Journal, "it is important for heirs to hear — when all those involved can still sit at the table — from the older generation why things have been put in place a certain way, no matter how uncomfortable they may be."

Why is it important not to wait to discuss inheritance?

You may feel tempted to kick the can down the road on this particular conversation, but it's actually a topic that is smart to start discussing now rather than leaving it until later.

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Not only is there "the possibility of your parent or parents getting sick," said The Balance, but there is also the possibility that how well your parents have set themselves up for their later years will impact your own retirement plans. "Knowing that your parents have done well financially, and maybe even have long-term care insurance, can go a long way in preparing for your own retirement," Zachary Morris, a co-founder of Paces Ferry Wealth Advisors, said to The Balance.

Plus, if you have a role to play in your parent's estate plan, such as in the instance that you are named executor of the estate, there is essential information you will need to know, such as "where all of the necessary documents are to manage the individual's assets after death," said The Balance.

And finally, openly discussing these plans can help to ensure that a person's wishes after their death are met, and that everyone in the family is aware of and on board with those intentions. Though it may feel "awkward" to discuss, said the Journal, doing so "can spare deep regrets and potentially millions in lost dollars" down the road.

How can you start the conversation about inheritance?

If you are unsure how to approach the topic, an easy entry point is simply "asking your parents about whether they have an estate plan," said CBS News. "You can say, 'I don't want to know the numbers. I just want to be able to follow your instructions out of love,' said Saul Simon, a certified financial planner (CFP) and author of 'Simon Says: Love Your Legacy.'"

You might even try bringing up "a resource, such as a book or an article you read about the importance of estate planning," or you could attribute it to your own estate planning efforts that put this question on your mind.

Timing is also important to consider. For instance, "Thanksgiving dinner, with its attendant tensions, is not the best choice for many families," said the Journal, citing Joseph Coughlin, the director of the Massachusetts Institute of Technology AgeLab and senior adviser to NEXT360 Partners.

It's also a topic you're probably better off broaching in person, than, say over the phone or via text. "Talking in person 'makes it more friendly to try to not make it feel like a business transaction,'" Ann Herring, a director of executive education in Chicago, said to the Journal.

What topics should you address?

"The topics to cover go beyond just dollar amounts," said the Journal, but should also "address caregiving, charity and educational costs."

For a starting point, you might simply find out whether your loved one has "key legal documents," such as a will, a living will or health care directive or a power of attorney, said CBS News. You should also ensure that you'll know how to access "other important information so you can handle their finances if they are unable to or when they die," such as contact information for their accountant, insurance policy details and account logins.

And remember: This is not a conversation you will just have once. "Family dynamics are constantly changing," said Lena Haas, the head of wealth management advice and solutions at Edward Jones, to the Journal. As such, you'll want to revisit the topic accordingly.