Speed Reads

Last Night on Late Night

Late night hosts celebrate permanent Daylight Saving Time, crush Elon Musk's Putin 'single combat' dream

Russian President Vladimir Putin's "war has been brutal and monstrous for Ukraine, but it's also not going so great for Russia," Stephen Colbert said on Tuesday's Late Show. "The Russians are bogged down pretty much everywhere," and "the world continues to rally around Ukraine. Today, leaders from Poland, the Czech Republic, and Slovenia traveled to Kyiv to express solidarity. Wow, that is super brave. Probably not the easiest trip to pack for, though."

Russia's Ukraine war has even leaked into space. "Whack-a-doo billionaire" Elon Musk stepped in when Russia threatened to cut U.S. rocket access, Colbert said. "Of course, it being Elon Musk, he immediately had to get the doo all wacky, tweeting: 'I nearby challenge Vladimir Putin to single combat, stakes are Ukraine.' Come on, Elon, you might be the richest man who ever lived, but you can't go challenging evil dictators to fist fights."

The Late Show was fine turning Musk vs. Putin into a video game, though.

"Elon Musk yesterday challenged Russian President Vladimir Putin to 'single combat' — aw, come on! Give me somebody to root for!" Seth Meyers joked on Late Night. "This is like hearing the New York Yankees want to play against Duke."

The prime ministers of Poland, Slovenia, and the Czech Republic bravely traveled to Kyiv, an "active war zone," Trevor Noah said on The Daily Show. "Meanwhile, some of us too scared to go back to the office." Russia just slapped toothless sanctions on President Biden, Hillary Clinton, and Hunter Biden, for some reason, but it's "carrying out a way more serious crackdown on its own citizens," he added. "Even people holding up blank signs — nothing on it — are getting arrested in Russia," a sure sign of Putin's "insecurity showing."

"Today the Senate unanimously passed a bill to make Daylight Saving Time permanent," Jimmy Fallon said on The Tonight Show. People got super excited, but "every wall clock said, 'But, that's the only time you ever touch me.'"

Yes, in "a day that I have been waiting for almost my whole adult life," the Senate just "voted across party lines to make Daylight Saving Time permanent, meaning we may never have to change the clock on the microwave again," Jimmy Kimmel cheered on Kimmel Live. "Various politicians have been trying to do this years, but they kept getting clock-blocked," until now, he added. "I'm exceptionally proud to be an American today: We finally agreed on something."