Speed Reads

#ThingsTimHowardCouldSave

Tim Howard could have saved the dinosaurs, Twitter claims

Tim Howard could have saved the dinosaurs, Twitter claims

Tim Howard is the most revered man in America after his record-setting performance Tuesday for the U.S. men's soccer team. Though the U.S. went down 2-1 against Belgium, Howard was so marvelous in defeat that Americans clamored to have his visage carved on Mt. Rushmore and stamped on coins. A federal petition seeking to rename Washington, D.C.'s airport in his honor is steadily gaining signatures.

So how good is Howard at making saves? According to a Twitter hashtag, Howard could have saved the dinosaurs from going extinct:

Howard is so good, he could have saved fictional characters like (Warning: spoilers) Mufasa…

Game of Thrones' Ned Stark...

And Bambi. (Though really, this one would make more sense were it Bambi's mother.)

Howard can stop bullets, a la The Matrix.

He could have saved swimmers from Jaws...

and kept Blockbuster from going belly up.

Howard could have saved Obi-Wan's master, Qui-Gon Jinn...

before warping through space and time to punch the Titanic away from that iceberg.

But perhaps the most practical Howard save of all: He could have kept Luis Suarez form biting Italy's Giorgio Chellini.

Chuck Norris, eat your heart out.