Speed Reads

Colbert Nationalism

Stephen Colbert uncovers Obama's pot-fueled plot to make America watch the World Cup

Americans are watching the World Cup in record numbers — 25 million tuned in for U.S. vs. Portugal on Sunday — and not everyone is happy about that. Stephen Colbert didn't mention Ann Coulter on Thursday night's Colbert Report, but he did delve into a televised conversation on Fox Business between host Stuart Varney and frequent contributor Dr. Keith Ablow. Like Colbert (the character), they are concerned about America's new love for soccer's world championship.

Varney's theory is almost plausible: The news in the world, especially involving the U.S., is mostly terrible, so the World Cup is escapism. Ablow takes that and runs with it, spinning out a theory that encompasses President Obama, Obama's "anti-American" fervor, and legalizing marijuana. Colbert actually found that idea kind of comforting, because the "hidden truth of global marijuana mind control that Dr. Ablow has discovered" is preferable to the alternative: "That I enjoy soccer." --Peter Weber