"Hope you like my costume that I wore, because tonight, I am dressed as the spookiest October Surprise: FBI Director James Comey," Stephen Colbert said on Monday's Halloween edition of The Late Show. Comey's spookiest trick happened early, on Friday, when he "reanimated the corpse of the Hillary Clinton email scandal," thanks to evidence found on the laptop of noted sexter Anthony Weiner. "In a shocking twist, Anthony Weiner's penis might destroy two political careers," Colbert said, noting that before Comey's letter to Congress, Clinton was leading Donald Trump in all the polls. "Truly for the Clinton campaign, horny men giveth, and horny men taketh away."
"So this is it, emails that could tip the election in favor of a sexually ravenous, shambling orange baby-man," Colbert said. "So what do they say? What do they say? These emails must be explosive!" Why else would Comey break the long precedent of not commenting on investigations or acting in a way that could affect an imminent election? Well, Comey doesn't know what the emails contain, and said so. "That's like a captain yelling, 'All hands on deck, head to the lifeboats... at some point, maybe, I have no further information'," Colbert said. "So, to recap, to recap your weekend, here's what we know: Nothing."
The FBI director even acknowledged in a letter to his FBI staff that he felt compelled to write Congress even though he was worried about leaving a misleading impression. Colbert wasn't amused: Comey is "like a detective who gathers all the suspects in a room and announces, 'One of the people in this room is a murderer. Now if you'll excuse me, I have dinner reservations.'" He went on to discuss Trump's newly revealed humiliation of Chris Christie, the World Series, and a sex toy thrown on the field at an NFL game. You can watch below. Peter Weber
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