Samantha Bee says she's voting for Hillary Rodham, not Hillary Clinton


Election Day is here, and "this is supposed to be our moment," Samantha Bee said on Full Frontal, in an intermittently NSFW history lesson. "Girls that were born before women could vote will have their chance to cast their ballot for a woman." And yet, she said, "none of us has gotten to savor this historic election like we should. It's been like running a marathon while a bear is chasing you — we might be really proud, but it kind of gets lost in all the mortal terror, because apparently, a critical mass of Americans find a normal, center-left policy nerd less 'likable' than a vindictive, p—sy-grabbing hate Zamboni who jokes about killing his enemies."
"Now, if you don't like how Hillary Clinton seems like a fake politician robot, here's how that happened," Bee said. "Spoiler alert: It was our fault. We created her by slowly tearing down a badass feminist named Hillary Rodham." She ran through Clinton's college career and promising future in Washington, derailed because she passed the bar exam in Arkansas and failed it in D.C. Thinking that was fate, she went to marry Bill Clinton in Arkansas — a move Bee obviously looks at askance. "If she thought a human Free to Be.... You and Me album was going to be embraced with open arms by a state where pigs are headwear, she soon learned otherwise."
Rodham was criticized for not taking her husband's name, and even after she became a Clinton and then a first lady, reporters still wouldn't let her be herself. "If I were Hillary, I would have dumped America by now, but she's terrible at knowing when to leave a relationship," Bee said, in one of her milder digs at Bill.
Subscribe to The Week
Escape your echo chamber. Get the facts behind the news, plus analysis from multiple perspectives.

Sign up for The Week's Free Newsletters
From our morning news briefing to a weekly Good News Newsletter, get the best of The Week delivered directly to your inbox.
From our morning news briefing to a weekly Good News Newsletter, get the best of The Week delivered directly to your inbox.
"My point is, Hillary Clinton has spent the past 40 years learning to mask her authenticity, ever since the so-called Natural State couldn't accept a normal human woman in her natural state, with her own name and her brown hair and identity independent from the dude she was boning," Bee said. "Don't expect grandma to pivot on a dime now that authenticity is suddenly cool. Look, if you can't bring yourself to vote for Hillary Clinton, I get it. I'm not voting for Hillary Clinton, either. I'm voting for Hillary Goddamn Brilliant Badass Queen Beyoncé Rodham. I have a hunch she's still in there."
Sign up for Today's Best Articles in your inbox
A free daily email with the biggest news stories of the day – and the best features from TheWeek.com
Peter has worked as a news and culture writer and editor at The Week since the site's launch in 2008. He covers politics, world affairs, religion and cultural currents. His journalism career began as a copy editor at a financial newswire and has included editorial positions at The New York Times Magazine, Facts on File, and Oregon State University.
-
'From his election as pope in 2013, Francis sought to reform'
Instant Opinion Opinion, comment and editorials of the day
By Justin Klawans, The Week US
-
Israel blames 'failures' for killing of medics
speed read 14 Gaza medics and 1 U.N. employee were killed by IDF special forces
By Peter Weber, The Week US
-
Hegseth reportedly shared war plans in 2nd group text
Speed Read The defense secretary sent information about an attack in Yemen to a Signal group chat that included his wife and brother
By Peter Weber, The Week US
-
New Mexico to investigate death of Gene Hackman, wife
speed read The Oscar-winning actor and his wife Betsy Arakawa were found dead in their home with no signs of foul play
By Peter Weber, The Week US
-
Giant schnauzer wins top prize at Westminster show
Speed Read Monty won best in show at the 149th Westminster Kennel Club dog show
By Peter Weber, The Week US
-
Beyoncé, Kendrick Lamar take top Grammys
Speed Read Beyoncé took home album of the year for 'Cowboy Carter' and Kendrick Lamar's diss track 'Not Like Us' won five awards
By Peter Weber, The Week US
-
The Louvre is giving 'Mona Lisa' her own room
Speed Read The world's most-visited art museum is getting a major renovation
By Peter Weber, The Week US
-
Honda and Nissan in merger talks
Speed Read The companies are currently Japan's second and third-biggest automakers, respectively
By Peter Weber, The Week US
-
Taylor Swift wraps up record-shattering Eras tour
Speed Read The pop star finally ended her long-running tour in Vancouver, Canada
By Peter Weber, The Week US
-
Drake claims illegal boosting, defamation
Speed Read The rapper accused Universal Music of boosting Kendrick Lamar's diss track and said UMG allowed him to be falsely accused of pedophilia
By Rafi Schwartz, The Week US
-
'Wicked' and 'Gladiator II' ignite holiday box office
Speed Read The combination of the two movies revitalized a struggling box office
By Peter Weber, The Week US