Late Show

"Huge news about Donald Trump ... almost happened last night," Stephen Colbert said on Wednesday's Late Show. Trump famously has not released his tax returns — "the only thing he hides more fiercely is the true color of his face," Colbert quipped — and at about 7:30 Tuesday night, "our friend Rachel Maddow unleashed a Force 5 tweeticane" by teasing that she had "Trump tax returns," adding "(Seriously)." But "when 9:00 came, Rachel took us on an emotional roller coaster," Colbert said, "because, like a roller coaster, at the end you're right back where you started and feeling a little queasy."

"Here's the deal: We know he's rich already," Colbert pointed out. "Be sure to tune in to Rachel's next special report, 'Wolf! Wolf! — An Exclusive Look at What the Boy Cried.'" And making Maddow's lame reveal even more underwhelming, the White House confirmed all the relevant numbers before Maddow went on the air, stealing what little thunder she had. "So apparently, I think this proves, if they think you already have the information, Trump's team is more than happy to confirm it," Colbert said. "I guess now is a good time to tell the White House that someone FedEx'd me a urine-soaked videotape — your move, guys."

The investigative reporter who received the two pages of Trump's 2005 1040 form in the mail, David Cay Johnston, suggested that Trump himself leaked the tax returns. "Maybe Trump is his own leaker," Colbert said. "It sounds crazy — I realize that sounds crazy — but it's no crazier than Kellyanne Conway suggesting our microwaves are cameras." He went over to the Late Show microwave camera and laid out various theories on why Trump might have done such a thing. "If you think about it, it makes sense," he said, after making a joke about tinfoil hats in microwaves. "And if you don't think about it, it makes even more sense." He ended with the most convoluted theory of all. Watch below. Peter Weber