Speed Reads

Catholic humor

Stephen Colbert and 'God' discuss whether fidget spinners are actually kosher Trinity explainers

The Late Show's Stephen Colbert is late-night TV's most visible Catholic, as he reminded his viewers on Thursday's show. "Unfortunately, the Catholic Church is faced with a crisis, and I don't have to tell you what it is," he said. (No, not that one.) "It's fidget spinners, which the Catholic Church is freaking out about. That is surprising — you'd think they'd support anything that keeps people awake during mass."

It turns out that some priests have been using the toy to explain the Holy Trinity. Colbert took a stab at it himself: "For the not-yet-converted pre-Catholics out there, the Holy Trinity is a central doctrine of Catholicism that God is three persons in one being. There's the Father, the Son, and the Holy Sprit, and if I remember correctly, they're stacked on top of each other in a trench coat so they can see an R-rated movie. If you're confused, first of all, welcome to Catholicism — it's a mystery." The fidget spinner–Trinity analogy is actually pretty clever, he said, "but not everyone is happy about cool priests using fidget spinners."

Colbert kind of explained the heresy charges, then shook his head. "This is ridiculous — it's traditional to explain the Holy Trinity with whatever's lying around," he noted. "In the 4th century in Ireland, none other than St. Patrick used a shamrock to explain it — but, I mean, admittedly you've got to drink a lot of Guinness if you want to see it spin. Unfortunately, we may never know if comparing fidget-spinners to the Holy Trinity is right or wrong unless a higher authority weighs in." That was the cue for the Late Show "God" to appear on the ceiling, and you can hear his opinion on the controversy below. Peter Weber