Speed Reads

Late Night Tackles President Trump

Stephen Colbert is shocked that the Democrats won something, less shocked about Bannon

Stephen Colbert began Thursday's Late Show by urging people in the path of Hurricane Irma to get out of that path — and if they decide not to, to hunker down like billionaire Richard Branson did on his own private island: in the wine cellar, playing dice. "Because being in the path of a Category 5 hurricane wasn't enough of a gamble," he said.

"Now, I'm going to say something a little weird right now," Colbert said: "The Democrats won something." That something would be getting President Trump to agree to their three-month debt-limit plan, giving them leverage before next year's midterms. "Huge victory for the Dems, and you know what that means," Colbert said: "It's squandering time!" Probably. At some point. But for now, they're riding high and the GOP is furious. "So, we're finally seeing some deals happening, the art of the dealer is dealing it up with his art out there," Colbert said, and it might be because Trump finds it easier to make deals on Air Force One, which members of Congress are calling Trump's new boardroom. Colbert had a theory on that.

If Trump's making deals, his former chief strategist Stephen Bannon is making waves, Colbert said, catching up on missed jokes about Bannon's White House departure in August. Bannon gave his first post-White House TV interview to Charlie Rose, and Rose teased a bit on Thursday's CBS This Morning. It's a doozy, and Colbert began with Bannon's critique of the Catholic leaders opposing Trump's move to end DACA, namely that the bishops "need illegal aliens to fill the churches."

"Yeah, it's obvious, obvious on the face of it that the church is just cynically welcoming in strangers who desperately need help, so the bishops can get into heaven," Colbert deadpanned. "The fix is in. They're just buttering up the Big Guy. I mean Jesus, Jesus laid out the whole marketing strategy: 'Blessed are the meek, for they shall really fill up the pews. I'll take anybody. Peacemakers, lepers, Mexicans. Ka-ching!'" Bannon had more to say, and so did Colbert. Watch below. Peter Weber