Speed Reads

Late Night Tackles President Trump

Trevor Noah has a plausible reason Trump slurred his Jerusalem speech. Stephen Colbert just laughed.

President Trump announced Wednesday that the U.S. now recognizes Jerusalem as the capital of Israel, blowing up what was left of the Israeli-Palestinian peace effort. "As disturbing as it was today to watch Donald Trump add fuel to the Middle East conflict, it was even more disturbing to watch the conflict between Donald Trump's teeth and his tongue," Trevor Noah said on Wednesday's Daily Show. He played parts of the speech where Trump was visibly slurring his words, laughed, played it again, then offered some theories.

Some people were concerned Trump had a stroke, but Noah said "it seemed like someone hit him with a blowdart just before he went out to make the speech," or perhaps "like he just had a drink will Bill Cosby." Then he made his final diagnosis. "President Trump is wearing dentures, people," Noah said. "Think about it: fake teeth, fake hair, fake tan — there's no part of his body that's real." Look, he added, "there's no shame in having dentures — but there is shame in Donald Trump having dentures, because he's vain as hell."

At The Late Show, Stephen Colbert couldn't stop laughing at Trump's last slurred words, "United Shursh," so he played it twice. Everybody opposed Trump's Jerusalem decision, he said, so why did he do it? One explanation is he's fulfilling a promise to conservative pro-Israel groups and donors, but evangelical Christians also back the move as a way to spark the second coming of Jesus Christ. The Late Show "God" appeared to quash that idea. "Are you crazy?" he said. "I'm not going to send my Son into that tinder box! Didn't go so well last time." He's not going to Jerusalem, either, "God" said. "I'm not even sure it's my holy city anymore. I'm thinking of moving it somewhere more laid back, like Austin. It's my favorite city in the whole United Shursh." Watch below. Peter Weber