Speed Reads

Late Night Tackles President Trump

Stephen Colbert defends Trump from the 'girthers,' while Trevor Noah laughs at Trump's mental test

A day after the White House doctor revealed the results of President Trump's physical, "the nation is still reeling from the shocking news that our president is perfectly healthy," Stephen Colbert said on Wednesday's Late Show. "Good news, 7th graders! Instead of 25 pushups and a mile run, from now on the presidential physical fitness test is going to be 25 Filet-O-Fishes and 3 hours of Fox & Friends."

According to the presidential physician, Trump is 6-foot-3 and 239 pounds, "but some people don't believe that — for instance, people," Colbert said. "Many of these people have started the 'girther' movement." Now, listen, he said. "I don't say this often, but we're being unfair to Donald Trump. I mean, no one looks good pictured next to one of the world's greatest athletes. For instance, I'm 5' 11" and 185 pounds, and I'm going to show you a picture of me next to an NFL player of that same height and weight — in hell. You're never going to see it."

The doctor also said Trump is mentally fit, but The Daily Show's Trevor Noah had some doubts about the cognition test Trump aced. "I can't believe part of the test for your president's mental health is to see if he can identify animals," he said. "Really, you're going to give him a rhino test? That sounds like a joke about African presidents. 'This is a lion, this is a rhino, and this is a camel.' 'Congratulations, sir, you're now the president of Uganda!'"

At The Opposition, Jordan Klepper and Tim Baltz were totally convinced of Trump's excellent health, and Baltz said he knew Trump's secret to staying fit without exercise or a healthy diet. "The truth is, bazillions of Americans like the president and me get their workouts from raging out while hate-watching mainstream cable news," he said. You can learn about his regimen below. Peter Weber