Speed Reads

Late Night tackles Presiden Trump

Stephen Colbert, Trevor Noah, and Jimmy Kimmel have questions about Trump's excellent health

White House physician Dr. Ronny Jackson gave a rare press conference Tuesday to describe President Trump's annual physical, and it looks like we owe Trump's personal physician an apology for doubting that Trump is in excellent health, Trevor Noah said on Tuesday's Daily Show. "No heart problems, no dementia, no dentures — but did you test for racism?" he asked. "It turns out, according to the official White House doctor, Trump is completely sane. Which makes me more worried, because that means he's doing all of this s--t on purpose? You 'covfefe' in your normal mind?"

"To us, the non-experts, the only thing that looks healthy about Donald Trump is that he's shaped like a food pyramid," Noah said. "To say that his health is excellent, it's like medicine is gaslighting us now." But Jackson had an explanation: good genes. "Look, to be honest, I'm not really surprised," Noah said. "Donald Trump has dictator blood. We're used to this in Africa and other places in the world: Castro, Mugabe, the queen — we're all shocked at how long they live." He imagined the talk Trump will give to the cockroaches after the nuclear apocalypse.

On The Late Show, Stephen Colbert was impressed with Jackson's diagnosis of Trump's cardio health. "So despite all evidence, Donald Trump does have a heart," he joked. And, according to the federal body mass index, he's one pound shy of being obese. "One pound?" Colbert asked, tiptoeing toward "girtherism." "That's awfully convenient."

Jackson "says he has no concern about the president's cognitive ability — which makes one of us," Jimmy Kimmel marveled on Kimmel Live, "and despite the fact that he is borderline obese, Trump is in excellent health. How can he be in excellent health? When he sneezes, gravy comes out...." He ended with a re-enactment of Jackson's press conference, only with a horror-like twist at the end inspired by Trump's anti-baldness medication. Watch below. Peter Weber