It's hard to overstate the magnitude of Monday's FBI raid on Michael Cohen's office and residences, Stephen Colbert said on Tuesday's Late Show. "It is unprecedented that the president's lawyer gets rolled up by Johnny Law like he's a mob attorney." So naturally, "everybody is covering this, and that includes Fox News, whose Tucker Carlson last night wasted no time at going straight at addressing our national nightmare," Colbert said: "Aggressive and sex-crazed" pandas.
"Now obviously he didn't have time to cover the Michael Cohen raid, because he had to talk about this very in-depth report on pandas," Colbert deadpanned. "And it's so complicated, I just want to take a moment to break down Tucker's report for you: Basically, he said something really bad could happen, but it doesn't." He suggested another example: Blue whales hopped up on meth who don't murder our families. But Carlson's right, Colbert said. "We should all be grateful. If these pandas weren't busy bumping fur, they'd kill us in a second — I even heard about one panda who knows kung fu."
Subscribe to The Week
Escape your echo chamber. Get the facts behind the news, plus analysis from multiple perspectives.
Sign up for The Week's Free Newsletters
From our morning news briefing to a weekly Good News Newsletter, get the best of The Week delivered directly to your inbox.
From our morning news briefing to a weekly Good News Newsletter, get the best of The Week delivered directly to your inbox.
Create an account with the same email registered to your subscription to unlock access.
-
'Voters know Biden and Trump all too well'Instant Opinion Opinion, comment and editorials of the day
-
Is the Gaza war tearing US university campuses apart?Today's Big Question Protests at Columbia University, other institutions, pit free speech against student safety
-
DOJ settles with Nassar victims for $138MSpeed Read The settlement includes 139 sexual abuse victims of the former USA Gymnastics doctor
-
OJ Simpson, star athlete tried for murder, dead at 76Speed Read The former football hero and murder suspect lost his battle with cancer
-
Momofuku's 'Chili Crunch' trademark uproarSpeed Read The company's attempt to own the sole rights has prompted backlash
-
Kevin Hart awarded Mark Twain PrizeSpeed Read He is the 25th recipient of the prestigious comedy prize
-
Is Downton Abbey set to return for a final film?Speed Read Imelda Staunton reveals that a third movie may be in the pipeline
-
'Oppenheimer' sweeps Oscars with 7 winsspeed read The film won best picture, best director (Christopher Nolan) and best actor (Cillian Murphy)
-
'Rust' armorer convicted of manslaughterspeed read The film's cinematographer Halyna Hutchins was shot and killed by actor Alec Baldwin during rehearsal
-
The Beatles are getting 4 intersecting biopicsSpeed Read Director Sam Mendes is making four separate movies, each told from the perspective of one band member
-
Taylor Swift to Miley Cyrus: female artists dominate 2024 GrammysSpeed Read SZA, Phoebe Bridgers and Lainey Wilson were also among the winners at LA gala
