last night on late night
It's hard to overstate the magnitude of Monday's FBI raid on Michael Cohen's office and residences, Stephen Colbert said on Tuesday's Late Show. "It is unprecedented that the president's lawyer gets rolled up by Johnny Law like he's a mob attorney." So naturally, "everybody is covering this, and that includes Fox News, whose Tucker Carlson last night wasted no time at going straight at addressing our national nightmare," Colbert said: "Aggressive and sex-crazed" pandas.
"Now obviously he didn't have time to cover the Michael Cohen raid, because he had to talk about this very in-depth report on pandas," Colbert deadpanned. "And it's so complicated, I just want to take a moment to break down Tucker's report for you: Basically, he said something really bad could happen, but it doesn't." He suggested another example: Blue whales hopped up on meth who don't murder our families. But Carlson's right, Colbert said. "We should all be grateful. If these pandas weren't busy bumping fur, they'd kill us in a second — I even heard about one panda who knows kung fu."
"This segment was insane!" Colbert said. "How do I know? It is literally something I did on my old show, The Colbert Report, when I played an insane person." He showed a clip. "Tucker Carlson stole my bit!" Colbert protested "And not just the panda thing — he also stole acting incredibly stupid while wearing an ill-fitting suit." He wasn't just grousing, though; he also had a suggestion for how Fox News might want to cover Special Counsel Robert Mueller arresting Trump. Watch below. Peter Weber