President Trump began Wednesday by threatening Russia with missiles aimed at Syria. "I feel like we joked about this," Trevor Noah said on Wednesday's Daily Show. "When Trump got elected, we were, like, 'He's gonna start a war on Twitter, hahahaha,' and then before he got elected, we were, like, 'He's gonna become president, hahahaha.' It turns out every joke about Trump is just a headline that hasn't happened yet." And that was just the start to a crazy news day.
"Normally, John Boehner pushing kush would be the day's biggest news about a House speaker's career plans," Noah said, but then Paul Ryan said he's not seeking re-election. "Now, other than pretending that he was upset about stuff President Trump said, the thing that Paul Ryan was most famous for was his deep, sincere concern about America's national debt." He played a brutal highlight reel of Ryan talking the "fiscal discipline" talk, noted that Ryan just "exploded the deficit with his tax cuts," and offered an elaborate analogy.
"But I mean, look, come on, let's not be haters," Noah said. "What's a few trillion dollars between friends, right? Just because Paul Ryan turned out to be a complete fraud doesn't mean that we can't give him the send-off that he deserves. Paul Ryan is leaving us, folks, so let's pour out a 40 — 40 grams of protein, of course. ... Oh, and don't worry — just like Paul Ryan's deficit, someone else is going to have to clean this up."
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The House speaker has a good excuse, Jordan Klepper deadpanned on The Opposition. "Paul Ryan is retiring because of a serious medical condition. You see, Paul Ryan has no spine. It's tragic." He ran through the symptoms of "Coward's Back" (named for Rowan Coward), adding: "Don't feel bad for the speaker. Paul Ryan is going out doing the thing he does best: Not standing up for anything." Watch. Peter Weber
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