Speed Reads

Late Night Tackles Stormy Daniels

Stephen Colbert wonders when Trump will have to pay Rudy Giuliani to stay quiet

Stephen Colbert began Monday's Late Show with safe wishes for the residents of Hawaii and a joke about that car swallowed by the lava from the Kilauea volcano. "Speaking of natural disasters, Rudy Giuliani," he said. After Giuliani plastered televisions nationwide last week to explain Michael Cohen's $130,000 hush payment to Stormy Daniels, President Trump slapped Giuliani down on Friday, saying his new lawyer is still learning the facts. "That's just Rudy Giuliani using a classic legal strategy: Step 1, go on every TV show known to man; Step 2, learn the facts of your case," Colbert joked.

But Giuliani wasn't done. He went on Sunday's This Week "to explain that when he said that Trump had reimbursed Cohen, he didn't know what he was talking about" and that it's very hard to "separate fact from opinion," Colbert said, and he agreed. "For instance, it's my opinion that he is clearly lying, but that's also a fact." And "when the subject turned to the actual payment to Stormy Daniels, Rudy's defense was: Size matters," he added. "Yeah, $130,000, you're lowballing her. ... Rudy says $1.3 million is the number you should be paid, so now we know how much it will cost to silence Giuliani — and Trump might have to do it because this weekend, Giuliani screwed him hard." Some of the jokes are kind of risqué for network TV.

The Late Show found a way to conduct its own "interview" with Giuliani, seen busily digging himself into a hole.

Colbert was a little underwhelmed with first lady Melania Trump's new policy initiative: the overall well-being of children. "That's kind of vague," he said. "It's like spending all year planning your Halloween party and you decide the theme is 'candy.'" And her slogan? Melania Trump is a very intelligent polyglot, Colbert said, but "for everyone on her team who signed off on 'Be Best," be better." Watch below. Peter Weber