Stephen Colbert is pretty sure Michael Cohen was a bad investment for Russian oligarchs, drugmakers, AT&T

Stephen Colbert wants his cut of the Michael Cohen slush fund

(Image credit: Screenshot/YouTube/The Late Show)

published 10 May 2018

On Tuesday night, Stormy Daniels' lawyer Michael Avenatti released documents, later confirmed, showing that President Trump's lawyer Michael Cohen had gotten millions from companies. A Russian oligarch's U.S. subsidiary paid Cohen $500,000, and AT&T ponied up, Stephen Colbert said on Wednesday's Late Show. "You paid for insights into this administration? He's a horny old racist who likes cheeseburgers more than his children — $200,000, please."

Drugmaker Novartis chipped in seven figures. "Side effects of taking money from Novartis may include headache, nausea, and extended jail time," Colbert said. "So they paid $1.2 million for access to the same administration that let Michael Wolff just sit around writing down everything he saw? No wonder drugs cost so much." The payments were all made in what Colbert jokingly called "crime-sized" chunks, "because the whole thing was supposed to be under the radar," he said, repeating a pertinent question from a source close to the deals: "How the f--k did Avenatti find out?"

"It's pretty crazy that the Stormy Daniels money could be traced all the way back to Vladimir Putin," Jimmy Fallon said on The Tonight Show. "In response, Putin said, 'Donald can spend allowance however he wants.'" This is "why Trump calls Putin his Sugar Vladdy," he added.

The Week

Escape your echo chamber. Get the facts behind the news, plus analysis from multiple perspectives.

SUBSCRIBE & SAVE

https://cdn.mos.cms.futurecdn.net/flexiimages/jacafc5zvs1692883516.jpg

Sign up for The Week's Free Newsletters

From our morning news briefing to a weekly Good News Newsletter, get the best of The Week delivered directly to your inbox.

"Meanwhile, great news from North Korea — is not a sentence I was expecting to say, but it's actually true," Colbert said, pointing to the release of three Americans held by North Korea. "So credit where credit is due: The return of these prisoners is a good thing that Donald Trump helped happen. We can put it right up there with humiliating Ted Cruz and ... that's it." And CIA director nominee Gina Haspel "attempted to put her past behind her" at Wednesday's Senate confirmation hearing, "and like me, some of the senators there were not convinced that Haspel's torturing days were behind her," he said, helpfully reminding her that Trump favors waterboarding and worse. Watch below. Peter Weber

Explore More

Peter has worked as a news and culture writer and editor at The Week since the site's launch in 2008. He covers politics, world affairs, religion and cultural currents. His journalism career began as a copy editor at a financial newswire and has included editorial positions at The New York Times Magazine, Facts on File, and Oregon State University.