Speed Reads

Late Night Tackles President Trump

Stephen Colbert suggests Kim Jong Un hire Michael Cohen before meeting with Trump

Stephen Colbert began Thursday's Late Show with an appreciative nod to the three Korean-Americans who landed in the U.S. early Thursday after being released by North Korea. "The president was there to meet the freed men, along with Melania — who is hoping to be freed next," he joked. "Trump made some brief remarks," and "all he had to do was not thank the murderous dictator who had imprisoned these men in a windowless black hole." He did. Kim "wasn't 'excellent' to them," Colbert said. "And you know the hint that he wasn't? They look happy to be with you."

"Of course, no Trump accomplishment would be complete without a little bragging about ratings," because "this is how history judges all presidential accomplishments: Did it do better than an infomercial for Slapchop?" Colbert said. "Some are attributing this diplomatic victory to Trump's plan to out-'crazy' North Korea," he added, slipping into Trump voice: "Thanks for releasing the hostages, Kim. Now I'm sending them back — didn't see that coming, all right? I've been eating paint chips."

"If Kim Jong Un wants insight into the president," Colbert said, he could just hire Michael Cohen. The payments to Cohen from a Russian oligarch and corporations Colbert talked about Wednesday were "just the tip of the bribeberg," he said. Cohen indulged in some "pretty bald influence-peddling," but he wasn't alone — one GOP consultant said that everyone was hiring "Trump whisperers" in 2017, Colbert said. "A Trump whisperer is like a dog whisperer because, well, there's a lot of indoor peeing and hitting with rolled-up magazines."

Colbert recounted some racial profiling incidents at Nordstrom Rack and Duke University. "We have see far too many of these types of stories popping up in recent months, which leads white people like myself to ask, 'What can we do?'" he said. His solution: a new segment, "Late Show Tolerance Tips." It was pretty comprehensive. Watch below. Peter Weber