Speed Reads

Late Night Tackles the Trump Administration

Stephen Colbert has a passive-aggressively civil 'middle road' for eateries hosting Sarah Huckabee Sanders

President Trump's immigration policies "are making tempers flare all over the country," and that cost White House Press Secretary Sarah Huckabee Sanders a meal out on Friday, Stephen Colbert said on Monday's Late Show. "Look, applaud all you want, but my heart really goes out to her. She was separated from her appetizer. She doesn't even know where it is right now. What if it's getting cold?" He explained what happened — Sanders and her husband went out to eat with friends, and when the staff recognized her, the owner had them vote on what to do, and they politely booted her, after a free cheese-plate appetizer. "Oh good, so somebody's getting due process," Colbert deadpanned.

"I believe everyone should follow their own conscience, and I can understand why some people might celebrate this restaurant owner doing this," Colbert said. "But denying service to people you don't agree with is a slippery slope, because pretty soon we would just have liberal-only restaurants and conservative-only restaurants, and it will be a nightmare finding a place where your whole family can eat." He made an import tariff joke, then proposed "a middle road. Restaurant workers, you don't have to kick out Sarah Huckabee Sanders, just treat her the same way she treats her customers: Only take the order of the two people at the table you like, then tell Sanders, 'I'm not going to comment on whether this dish contains peanuts,' and then when the food never arrives, just say, 'I haven't talked to the chef about that yet, so I can't give you any new information. I'll be back at 2:45 tomorrow with a completely different menu that you can't order from.'"

Of course, Sanders isn't the only Trump administration official having trouble eating out protest-free. So The Late Show offered all beleaguered White House officials a movable-feast dining option, complete with "skid bag." Watch below. Peter Weber