Late Night Tackles Mueller's Finale
President Trump has been giddy ever since Attorney General William Barr released his report on Special Counsel Robert Mueller's report on Trump and Russia, Stephen Colbert said on Tuesday's Late Show. "Being told you've not been indicted for betraying your country is a pretty low bar for a victory lap. If I don't run anyone over in my car tomorrow, I expect to celebrate with an ice cream cake."
Trump isn't just celebrating — he's out for vengeance, Colbert said, defending the critics Trump wants to blacklist: "Those people thought Trump was guilty because he acted super guilty. I mean, if it looks like a duck, and swims like a duck, and quacks like a duck, then how are they supposed to know it was just a deeply strange squirrel who strapped on a beak, some wings, and yelled, 'Quack, quack, what makes you think I'm a duck, you traitor?'"
Still, Colbert did agree with Trump's campaign on one point: "I think cable news should ban appearance by everyone who has made an outrageous or unsupported claim. Mr. President, you will be missed. ... It's not just Trump. If you ban everyone who lies for Trump on TV, Fox News would just be a test pattern." And he reveled in making the cut in the "Mueller Madness" bracket White House Press Secretary Sarah Huckabee Sanders posted to Twitter. "I made it to the Big Dance!" Colbert said. "I'm a conference champ, baby!"
"I got a No. 5 seed," Jimmy Kimmel noted on Kimmel Live. "They have me up against Chuck Lorre in the first round — he's a TV producer, I should be able to beat him, right? Go on to face Alec Baldwin in the Final Four?"
"Poor Sarah Sanders, though," Kimmel said. "She's probably just a nice, dumb lady who's the only one who would take this job, she has to constantly defend nonsense, and now she's finally got a chance to fire back — and this is how she does it, with a wacky 'Mueller Madness' bracket. As the president would say, 'Sad!'" Watch below. Peter Weber