Stephen Colbert and Jimmy Kimmel laugh at their inclusion in Team Trump's 'Mueller Madness' bracket


President Trump has been giddy ever since Attorney General William Barr released his report on Special Counsel Robert Mueller's report on Trump and Russia, Stephen Colbert said on Tuesday's Late Show. "Being told you've not been indicted for betraying your country is a pretty low bar for a victory lap. If I don't run anyone over in my car tomorrow, I expect to celebrate with an ice cream cake."
Trump isn't just celebrating — he's out for vengeance, Colbert said, defending the critics Trump wants to blacklist: "Those people thought Trump was guilty because he acted super guilty. I mean, if it looks like a duck, and swims like a duck, and quacks like a duck, then how are they supposed to know it was just a deeply strange squirrel who strapped on a beak, some wings, and yelled, 'Quack, quack, what makes you think I'm a duck, you traitor?'"
Still, Colbert did agree with Trump's campaign on one point: "I think cable news should ban appearance by everyone who has made an outrageous or unsupported claim. Mr. President, you will be missed. ... It's not just Trump. If you ban everyone who lies for Trump on TV, Fox News would just be a test pattern." And he reveled in making the cut in the "Mueller Madness" bracket White House Press Secretary Sarah Huckabee Sanders posted to Twitter. "I made it to the Big Dance!" Colbert said. "I'm a conference champ, baby!"
Subscribe to The Week
Escape your echo chamber. Get the facts behind the news, plus analysis from multiple perspectives.

Sign up for The Week's Free Newsletters
From our morning news briefing to a weekly Good News Newsletter, get the best of The Week delivered directly to your inbox.
From our morning news briefing to a weekly Good News Newsletter, get the best of The Week delivered directly to your inbox.
"I got a No. 5 seed," Jimmy Kimmel noted on Kimmel Live. "They have me up against Chuck Lorre in the first round — he's a TV producer, I should be able to beat him, right? Go on to face Alec Baldwin in the Final Four?"
"Poor Sarah Sanders, though," Kimmel said. "She's probably just a nice, dumb lady who's the only one who would take this job, she has to constantly defend nonsense, and now she's finally got a chance to fire back — and this is how she does it, with a wacky 'Mueller Madness' bracket. As the president would say, 'Sad!'" Watch below. Peter Weber
Sign up for Today's Best Articles in your inbox
A free daily email with the biggest news stories of the day – and the best features from TheWeek.com
Peter has worked as a news and culture writer and editor at The Week since the site's launch in 2008. He covers politics, world affairs, religion and cultural currents. His journalism career began as a copy editor at a financial newswire and has included editorial positions at The New York Times Magazine, Facts on File, and Oregon State University.
-
What does 'conquering' Gaza mean to Israel?
Today's Big Question Benjamin Netanyahu's cabinet has approved a plan to displace much of the Palestinian population while seizing and occupying the territory on a long-term basis.
-
Casey Means: the controversial 'wellness influencer' nominated for surgeon general
In the Spotlight Means has drawn controversy for her closeness to RFK Jr.
-
Trump taps Fox News' Pirro for DC attorney post
speed read The president has named Fox News host Jeanine Pirro to be the top federal prosecutor for Washington, replacing acting US Attorney Ed Martin
-
Shakespeare not an absent spouse, study proposes
speed read A letter fragment suggests that the Shakespeares lived together all along, says scholar Matthew Steggle
-
New Mexico to investigate death of Gene Hackman, wife
speed read The Oscar-winning actor and his wife Betsy Arakawa were found dead in their home with no signs of foul play
-
Giant schnauzer wins top prize at Westminster show
Speed Read Monty won best in show at the 149th Westminster Kennel Club dog show
-
Beyoncé, Kendrick Lamar take top Grammys
Speed Read Beyoncé took home album of the year for 'Cowboy Carter' and Kendrick Lamar's diss track 'Not Like Us' won five awards
-
The Louvre is giving 'Mona Lisa' her own room
Speed Read The world's most-visited art museum is getting a major renovation
-
Honda and Nissan in merger talks
Speed Read The companies are currently Japan's second and third-biggest automakers, respectively
-
Taylor Swift wraps up record-shattering Eras tour
Speed Read The pop star finally ended her long-running tour in Vancouver, Canada
-
Drake claims illegal boosting, defamation
Speed Read The rapper accused Universal Music of boosting Kendrick Lamar's diss track and said UMG allowed him to be falsely accused of pedophilia