President Trump has been giddy ever since Attorney General William Barr released his report on Special Counsel Robert Mueller's report on Trump and Russia, Stephen Colbert said on Tuesday's Late Show. "Being told you've not been indicted for betraying your country is a pretty low bar for a victory lap. If I don't run anyone over in my car tomorrow, I expect to celebrate with an ice cream cake."
Trump isn't just celebrating — he's out for vengeance, Colbert said, defending the critics Trump wants to blacklist: "Those people thought Trump was guilty because he acted super guilty. I mean, if it looks like a duck, and swims like a duck, and quacks like a duck, then how are they supposed to know it was just a deeply strange squirrel who strapped on a beak, some wings, and yelled, 'Quack, quack, what makes you think I'm a duck, you traitor?'"
Still, Colbert did agree with Trump's campaign on one point: "I think cable news should ban appearance by everyone who has made an outrageous or unsupported claim. Mr. President, you will be missed. ... It's not just Trump. If you ban everyone who lies for Trump on TV, Fox News would just be a test pattern." And he reveled in making the cut in the "Mueller Madness" bracket White House Press Secretary Sarah Huckabee Sanders posted to Twitter. "I made it to the Big Dance!" Colbert said. "I'm a conference champ, baby!"
The Week
Escape your echo chamber. Get the facts behind the news, plus analysis from multiple perspectives.
Sign up for The Week's Free Newsletters
From our morning news briefing to a weekly Good News Newsletter, get the best of The Week delivered directly to your inbox.
From our morning news briefing to a weekly Good News Newsletter, get the best of The Week delivered directly to your inbox.
"I got a No. 5 seed," Jimmy Kimmel noted on Kimmel Live. "They have me up against Chuck Lorre in the first round — he's a TV producer, I should be able to beat him, right? Go on to face Alec Baldwin in the Final Four?"
"Poor Sarah Sanders, though," Kimmel said. "She's probably just a nice, dumb lady who's the only one who would take this job, she has to constantly defend nonsense, and now she's finally got a chance to fire back — and this is how she does it, with a wacky 'Mueller Madness' bracket. As the president would say, 'Sad!'" Watch below. Peter Weber
-
Groypers: the alt-right group pulled into the foregroundThe Explainer The network is led by alt-right activist Nick Fuentes
-
10 concert tours to see this upcoming fallThe Week Recommends Concert tour season isn't over. Check out these headliners.
-
How to put student loan payments on pauseThe Explainer If you are starting to worry about missing payments, deferment and forbearance can help
-
Florida erases rainbow crosswalk at Pulse nightclubSpeed Read The colorful crosswalk was outside the former LGBTQ nightclub where 49 people were killed in a 2016 shooting
-
Trump says Smithsonian too focused on slavery's illsSpeed Read The president would prefer the museum to highlight 'success,' 'brightness' and 'the future'
-
Trump to host Kennedy Honors for Kiss, StalloneSpeed Read Actor Sylvester Stallone and the glam-rock band Kiss were among those named as this year's inductees
-
White House seeks to bend Smithsonian to Trump's viewSpeed Read The Smithsonian Institution's 21 museums are under review to ensure their content aligns with the president's interpretation of American history
-
Charlamagne Tha God irks Trump with Epstein talkSpeed Read The radio host said the Jeffrey Epstein scandal could help 'traditional conservatives' take back the Republican Party
-
CBS cancels Colbert's 'Late Show'Speed Read 'The Late Show with Stephen Colbert' is ending next year
-
A long weekend in ZürichThe Week Recommends The vibrant Swiss city is far more than just a banking hub
-
Shakespeare not an absent spouse, study proposesspeed read A letter fragment suggests that the Shakespeares lived together all along, says scholar Matthew Steggle
