Stephen Colbert compares the Mueller report to a Harry Potter book, asks why Republicans don't want to read it

"Americans are on the edge of the middle of their seats waiting for the possible eventual release of the actual Mueller report," Stephen Colbert said on Wednesday's Late Show. All we know about Special Counsel Robert Mueller's findings is contained in a four-page summary written by Attorney General William Barr, "while the full Mueller report is nearly 400 pages," he said. "That's Harry Potter length, and everybody wants to read Donny Trump and the Idiot of Azkaban, and The Goblet of Covfefe." Congress got tired of waiting, so the House Judiciary Committee voted to subpoena the full Mueller report.

Judiciary Committee Chairman Jerrold Nadler (D-N.Y.) won't accept any reductions, and President Trump called Nadler a hypocrite on Twitter, saying "nothing will ever satisfy" his critics. "I don't know about 'nothing,'" Colbert said. "Seeing you hauled out of the White House would be pretty satisfying." Trump's claim about Nadler was wrong — he didn't oppose the release of the 1998 Starr Report to Congress, just to the public — but Rep. Doug Collins (R-Ga.) still tried to further the Starr-Mueller line of attack using water bottles, and Colbert roundly mocked him for his confusing efforts.

"Republicans are scrambling to any microphone they can find to say, 'Please, don't tell us anything!'" Colbert paraphrased. "Why would any member of Congress demand that Congress know less?" He acted out an example that drew on Oedipus Rex.

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"Speaking of nonsense, Donald Trump," Colbert said, turning to Trump's remarks to the National Republican Congressional Committee on Tuesday night. "They have to be 'more paranoid'?" he puzzled. "Republicans already think that caravans of immigrants from three different Mexicos are coming to steal their lake houses and gay-marry their wedding cakes! As ever, Trump was concerned about secrecy. ... Yes, 'Someone's gonna leak the speech,' he said — directly into the C-SPAN camera." Watch that and his take on Trump's windmill vendetta below. Peter Weber