Speed Reads

Late Night Tackles President Trump

Stephen Colbert and Trevor Noah tilt at the windmills of Trump's quixotic mind

President Trump savaged windmills on Tuesday night, and Wednesday's Late Show reminded everyone why Trump might be scared of the wind.

Yes, at a Republican dinner where he also had the chutzpah to roast Joe Biden for being handsy, Trump "started attacking windmills," Trevor Noah said at The Daily Show. "Yeah, you heard me, windmills," and some of the attacks were a little out of left field. "I really can't believe that I have to say this, people, but noise from windmills does not cause cancer," he said. "In fact, at this point, it's probably one of the only things that doesn't cause cancer."

It turns out, windmills are "Trump's arch enemy," Noah said. "They're part of his origin story, like a superhero whose parents were killed by a very slowly moving fan." Trump's "got all kinds of reasons" for dissing windmills, "starting with the danger they pose to America's most precious resources, television," he said. Also, national security and ... birds.

"To be fair to Trump, windmills do kill birds, and some people are legitimately concerned about it," Noah said. "But I don't think Donald Trump is one of those people." He dug into why "Donald Quixote over here is in a war with windmills," and it turns out "it was never really about birds or television; it was always about golf," he said. And that knowledge could save the world.

The Late Show's Stephen Colbert solemnly mocked the idea of Trump grieving birds: "Here he is attending a wake for a beloved chicken. The funeral was open-bucket. 'Rest in 12-piece.'" He also rolled his eyes at the cancer head-scratcher. "Of course windmills cause cancer," Colbert deadpanned. "That's why everyone in Holland is dead. Also, noise does not cause cancer — although I believe listening to Donald Trump might cause brain damage." Watch below. Peter Weber