Stephen Colbert is aghast at Trump's speech to teenage conservatives, eager to hear Mueller recap his report

last updated 24 July 2019

Stephen Colbert kicked off Tuesday's Late Show by quoting a Bible passage about it being better that a millstone be tied around your neck and you be cast into the sea than you lead one child astray. "Well today, Donald Trump strapped on a millstone and some scuba gear and gave a really bad speech to conservative kids at something called Turning Point USA's Teen Student Action Summit," he said, adding: "Teen student action is usually something the vice principal has to break up underneath the bleachers."

For some reason, the organizers decided to "pump the kids up with some highlights of Trump's lowlights" and they loved it, Colbert grimaced. "That bloodthirsty cheering gives a chilling new edge to the phrase, 'I believe the children are our future.' Whitney Houston tried to warn us. Trump also made a shocking constitutional claim" about his "Article II" power to do whatever he wants, he added, and then "Trump reminisced about the good old days, before the media reported on him accurately." Finally, "Trump turned to his latest obsession, the four congresswomen of color known as 'The Squad,'" Colbert recapped. "And the teens showed that they've been studying their enemies list."

Meanwhile, Trump doesn't appear to be happy about Wednesday's live televised congressional testimony of Special Counsel Robert Mueller, or "the Super Bowl of things on C-SPAN at 8:30 in the morning," Colbert said. He personally didn't appear concerned with the Justice Department's attempts to limit Mueller to his report's findings. "Oh no!" Colbert said in mock horror. "Now all he's got is 448 pages of incredibly damaging evidence that the president committed 10 separate instances of obstruction of justice, and that at one point, he said, and I quote, 'I'm f---ed.'" He had a follow-up joke or two.

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Peter has worked as a news and culture writer and editor at The Week since the site's launch in 2008. He covers politics, world affairs, religion and cultural currents. His journalism career began as a copy editor at a financial newswire and has included editorial positions at The New York Times Magazine, Facts on File, and Oregon State University.

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