Speed Reads

Late Night Tackles President Trump

Stephen Colbert and Jimmy Kimmel gawk at Trump's 'insane' Sharpie-doctored Dorian map

Hurricane Dorian devastated the Bahamas and is bearing down on South Carolina, and Stephen Colbert offered his thoughts and vetted charities if any viewers want to help those hurt by the massive storm. Then he turned to President Trump, who "is trying to help the only way he knows, by being an old man yelling at wind," he said on Wednesday's Late Show. "But Trump isn't interested in where the storm is going to go. He wanted to talk more about where the storm was going to go," and he brought a visual aid.

"Why, you ask, did Trump show a map with an outdated projection of Dorian's path instead of one showing where the storm actually went?" Colbert asked — and answered, noting Trump's repeated (and repeatedly debunked) assertion that Alabama was in Dorian's path. "Take a closer look at Trump's outdated map from last Thursday morning: He used a Sharpie to extend the path into Alabama — he gave the storm a boob job!"

Obviously, "that's an insane thing to do, but it could literally be a criminally insane thing," Colbert said, citing "a lot of wonks online" who pointed to a law prohibiting knowingly issuing false forecasts issued by the Weather Bureau. "Now because of the fact that the president misinterpreted where the water would go, I'm calling this scandal 'Water-gate' — trademark." He explained why Trump's denial of involvement didn't hold water, either.

"I know I say this every night, but this is a crazy story," Jimmy Kimmel said at Kimmel Live, showing Trump displaying his doctored map. "So the question is: Who at the White House would do this? Could it be someone who loves Sharpies?" Trump "really must think we're a bunch of idiots," he said. "I bet he thinks, like, 'Hey, they elected me president, let's see what other dumb cr-p they'll go for!'"

Kimmel also examined a priest in Nashville who banned Harry Potter from a Catholic school library, Trump's diversion of $3.6 billion in military construction funds to build his "Taj Ma-wall," and some truly disturbing deep fakes. Watch below. Peter Weber