Speed Reads

Late Night Tackles 2020 Democrats

Stephen Colbert and Jimmy Fallon recap CNN's 7-hour climate change event, fixate on Biden's bleeding eye

"Last night, CNN hosted a series of town halls on climate change, and they hyped it like it was the end of the world — which it is," Stephen Colbert said on Thursday's Late Show. "The entire event was apparently broadcast from low orbit — never a comforting sign when the leaders who believe in climate change look like they are fleeing the planet."

"When it was Bernie's turn to take on climate change, he urged Americans to think of the children," Colbert said, mimicking Sen. Bernie Sanders (I-Vt.) addressing his grandkids at age 143, mostly robotic lion. "Then Sen. Kamala Harris laid down some hard truths," like the inconvenience of paper straws, he said, and former Vice President "Joe Biden also had some stuff to say about climate change — unfortunately, no one heard any of what he said because we were all too distracted by his bleeding left eye. Oh my God, is that what climate change is going to do to us? I'll separate my plastics, I'll drive a Roomba to work, just don't take my eyes!"

"There was probably just a broken blood vessel — happens to a lot of people, looks scary, usually harmless," Colbert said. "Still, Biden can use it to his advantage with a strong new slogan: 'Biden 2020: Unite Beneath the Eye of Blood.'"

On The Tonight Show, Jimmy Fallon said he's glad football is back because "it will be nice to see someone fumble that isn't Joe Biden. Speaking of Biden, did you guys see him on CNN's town hall last night? This is real — it was crazy — he was onstage and he just started bleeding from his eye. ... I don't know if he wants to be president or the next Bond villain."

Still, seven hours of town halls! Fallon groused. "Even C-SPAN was like, zzzzzzz." He found one memorable question for Sanders, though, and he snuck in one last Biden joke. Watch below. Peter Weber