Stephen Colbert tries to decipher Trump's self-congratulatory 'goth poetry' on abandoning the Kurds

(Image credit: Screenshot/YouTube/The Late Show)

The Late Show appears to believe that President Trump's impeachment defense is going off the rails.

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But Stephen Colbert was almost impressed with Trump's optimism, or something. "You've got to hand it to the guy: He is willing to call his most disastrous blunders his greatest victories," he said in Wednesday's monologue. "Case in point, Trump's complete betrayal of our Kurdish allies after his phone call with Turkish President Erdogan." Trump's decision was "despised on both sides of the aisle," but it was a big win for "his buddy Vladimir Putin, who yesterday met with Erdogan to carve up Syria like a Christmas shawarma," he said. "So naturally, this morning Trump gave a self-congratulatory speech from the White House and claimed others were congratulating him, too."

"Yes, a lot of people are saying 'Wow, what a great outcome, congratulations' — specifically, Erdogan and Putin; they keep saying it to each other," Colbert said. "Trump made one thing clear: This was our fake victory, and we're not sharing," but his definition of the "safe zone" he claimed to have carved out for the Kurds was more ambiguous. "Maybe we should call it the 'danger zone,'" he suggested. "I hear there's a highway that goes straight to that."

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"Trump spoke about his decision to abandon American allies like a goth poetry teen," Colbert said. "Fun fact: 'Blood-stained sand,' also the paint swatch they used for Trump's face." And "the president assured the public that ISIS prisoners have been contained, y'know, ish," he added. "Hold on, a few got out? Then they aren't under 'strict lock and key.' I wouldn't send my toddler to a daycare that advertises: 'Children are safe under lock and key. A few got out, but a very small number, relatively speaking.'" Watch below. Peter Weber

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Peter has worked as a news and culture writer and editor at The Week since the site's launch in 2008. He covers politics, world affairs, religion and cultural currents. His journalism career began as a copy editor at a financial newswire and has included editorial positions at The New York Times Magazine, Facts on File, and Oregon State University.