Speed Reads

The Daily Showdown

Trevor Noah mocks Wall Street's tears and fears over Elizabeth Warren

Democratic presidential candidate Sen. Elizabeth Warren (D-Mass.) "has shot to the top of the polls thanks to her support among college graduates, Hispanic voters, and kids who ate lunch with their English teachers in middle school," Trevor Noah joked on Wednesday's Daily Show. "But there is one demographic who hears Elizabeth Warren and immediately s--ts their Armani suits. ... Yes, Wall Street bankers are more terrified of Elizabeth Warren than they are of a surprise gust of wind. 'Oh no, my cocaine! Waaah!'"

"It's not surprising that the people of Wall Street are afraid, because Elizabeth Warren has proposed some of the most progressive financial policies in years," Noah said. "Things like breaking up the big banks, increasing taxes on the ultra-wealthy, and making it easier for normal people to join the Illuminati — that's like a big thing." At the same time, "it's kind of hard to take the Wall Street crowd seriously," he said, because "this isn't the first time they've predicted the end of the world. ... Yes, for both Trump and Obama, analysts claimed that the stock market would tank. But do you know what actually happened? The exact opposite. It's been going up for 10 years."

"But according to these billionaires, they aren't just anti-Warren because she's threatening their wallet — no, they don't like her because she's also hurting their feelings," Noah said, showing one hedge fund manager brought to tears. "You're a billionaire who's crying because Elizabeth Warren is criticizing billionaires? Would you like a tissue?" After mocking their grief, he showed a trailer for a Warren-themed Wall Street horror movie. Watch below. Peter Weber