Speed Reads

Late Night Tackles Trump and impeachment

Late night hosts pick highlights from Day 1 of Trump's 2nd impeachment trial, mock lawyer Bruce Castor

Former President Donald Trump's "second impeachment trial has finally begun," Jimmy Fallon said on Tuesday's Tonight Show. "Seriously, I can't believe we're talking about Trump again — even herpes knows when to take a break once in a while." Trump's lead lawyer was a guy named Bruce Castor, and he was so rambling, "if the Senate had an orchestra pit, they'd be playing him off," he said.

"But I'll give Castor this: the man can talk — and talk, and talk," Stephen Colbert said at The Late Show. "Castor was so rambling, there were times it seemed like his plan was to put everybody to sleep then grab the articles of impeachment and just tiptoe out. Even C-SPAN tried to save their ratings by switching to live testimony from the House subcommittee on paint drying." But then the House "prosecutors went straight for the heart with a devastating video proving the president's rally and the riot at the Capitol were one and the same thing," he said. It was hard to watch, especially "for the cowards in the Senate" who studiously looked away or doodled on notepads.

Most Senate Republicans actually want Trump convicted and barred from office, but "they saw what happened to Mike Pence, and they're afraid," Jimmy Kimmel said on Kimmel Live. Watching Castor speak "was like a Seinfeld routine without the punchlines," he added. "Trump was reported to be deeply unhappy and was almost screaming at the television during the trial, so those guys aren't getting paid."

Trump was probably watching Castor on TV, going "What the hell is wrong with this guy? The ad on the side of the bus said that he was the best!" Trevor Noah joked at The Daily Show. "And here's the crazy thing: It doesn't actually matter what this guy says," because Republicans will make sure Trump gets off. "But just because we know how the trial will end doesn't mean the trial shouldn't take place," Noah said. "I mean, when you're watching Law & Order, do you turn it off in the first five minutes when the cops interview a dentist who obviously killed his patients to cover up an affair? Of course not. You watch the whole thing because then you get to say 'I knew it!' when you end up being right."

The Late Show also went with a Law & Order joke. Watch below. Peter Weber