"We've now been in lockdown for over 11 months and if you're beginning to get the crazy feeling that isolation is starting to drive you crazy, you're not crazy — you are crazy," Stephen Colbert said on Wednesday's Late Show. Yes, according to CNN, "pandemic paranoia is a real thing — or is it? Who paid you to say that, CNN? How would you know I'm paranoid — are you watching me?"
Now, "one guy who actually has a really good reason to be paranoid" is Rudy Giuliani, who's "running like a frightened toddler" from a $1.3 billion defamation lawsuit, Colbert recounted with some glee. But when it comes to COVID-19, "we got another injection of positive vaccine news today," with the Johnson & Johnson getting the FDA's near-approval. "That's amazing, soon we'll have as much choice in vaccine brands as we do flavors of Mountain Dew," he joked. "Unlike the ones currently out there, Johnson & Johnson's is single shot — although the company itself still requires a double Johnson."
The Tonight Show's Jimmy Fallon had a musical comparison between the various COVID-19 vaccines.
Subscribe to The Week
Escape your echo chamber. Get the facts behind the news, plus analysis from multiple perspectives.
Sign up for The Week's Free Newsletters
From our morning news briefing to a weekly Good News Newsletter, get the best of The Week delivered directly to your inbox.
From our morning news briefing to a weekly Good News Newsletter, get the best of The Week delivered directly to your inbox.
"The FDA has just approved a third vaccine," James Corden said at The Late Late Show. "Isn't that great? Now there's three vaccines none of us can get. Here's an added perk: Since it's Johnson & Johnson, it doesn't sting if the vaccine gets in your eyes." But "there's another reason to be optimistic about the vaccine logjam breaking soon," because Pfizer and Moderna say they will have 140 million doses over the next five weeks, he added. "We're so close, guys, to being back in restaurants ... I can feel myself pretending I only want to take a look at the dessert menu."
"We're all itching to do normal things again, it doesn't matter what it is," Seth Meyers said at Late Night. "I'd give anything to wait in line at the DMV and get yelled at by a clerk for asking to borrow a pen."
"Predictions for when we'll return to normal range from April to summer to fall to Christmas to next year," Meyers said. But new studies suggest "the vaccines don't just prevent you from getting sick, they prevent you from spreading the virus, too. If that all ends up being true and we don't screw things up, we could potentially have a normal-ish summer." Watch his uncharacteristic optimism and brief nostalgia for imitating Trump below. Peter Weber
-
The week's best photosIn Pictures A human pyramid, a church on wheels, and more
-
The Week Unwrapped: Is it time for a new world map?Podcast Plus, why is the pope getting flatmates? And why are seagull 'muggings' on the rise?
-
Ford Ranger Plug-in Hybrid: 'more than just a novelty'The Week Recommends Europe's first plug-in hybrid pickup is 'surprisingly agile'
-
Trump says Smithsonian too focused on slavery's illsSpeed Read The president would prefer the museum to highlight 'success,' 'brightness' and 'the future'
-
Trump to host Kennedy Honors for Kiss, StalloneSpeed Read Actor Sylvester Stallone and the glam-rock band Kiss were among those named as this year's inductees
-
White House seeks to bend Smithsonian to Trump's viewSpeed Read The Smithsonian Institution's 21 museums are under review to ensure their content aligns with the president's interpretation of American history
-
Charlamagne Tha God irks Trump with Epstein talkSpeed Read The radio host said the Jeffrey Epstein scandal could help 'traditional conservatives' take back the Republican Party
-
CBS cancels Colbert's 'Late Show'Speed Read 'The Late Show with Stephen Colbert' is ending next year
-
Shakespeare not an absent spouse, study proposesspeed read A letter fragment suggests that the Shakespeares lived together all along, says scholar Matthew Steggle
-
New Mexico to investigate death of Gene Hackman, wifespeed read The Oscar-winning actor and his wife Betsy Arakawa were found dead in their home with no signs of foul play
-
Giant schnauzer wins top prize at Westminster showSpeed Read Monty won best in show at the 149th Westminster Kennel Club dog show
