Speed Reads

last night on late night

Late night hosts joke about Putin's mysterious COVID-19 vaccination, compare guns to cars

The U.S. is steadily opening up COVID-19 vaccine eligibility to more people, and "today in Russia, Vladimir Putin got his COVID vaccine — but the Kremlin wouldn't say which vaccine Putin got," Jimmy Fallon said on Tuesday's Tonight Show. "It'll either be Sputnik V, CoviVac, or Smirnoff and Smirnoff." By getting vaccinated, "Putin made history as the first Russian to get injected with something and live to talk about it," he joked. "I mean, normally when a Russian gets injected they're either being poisoned or preparing for the Olympics."

Meanwhile, "President Biden's team is working on a $3 trillion proposal for jobs, education, and infrastructure — $3 trillion!" Fallon said. The plan "will be paid for in quarters Biden finds behind your ear."

Spending $3 trillion on infrastructure "seems to me like a huge overreaction to a couple of broken stairs," Seth Meyers quipped at Late Night, showing Biden's Air Force One trips. "Putin received the coronavirus vaccine today. He wanted to do it weeks ago, but they had to wait for the health care worker's hand to stop shaking." Back home, he said "Congress is reportedly considering a ban on menthol cigarettes. Well, at least this storming of the Capitol won't be so bad. 'Ah, so many stairs! I think we'll just go home. Let's write a letter?'"

After Monday's tragic mass murder in Boulder, Colorado, "Republicans on the hill know the majority of voters want some form of gun control, so they immediately tried to change the subject," Stephen Colbert said at The Late Show. But he accepted Sen. John Kennedy's (R-La.) point on drunk drivers and mass shooters: "Okay, I'll take that deal! Let's regulate guns the way we regulate alcohol and cars: You gotta be 21, you gotta pass a test to get a license, you gotta have registration and insurance for your gun, if you move to another state you have to do the whole damn thing over again, and you can't go out loaded."

Meanwhile, Postmaster General Louis DeJoy continues to "destroy the Postal Service," and "unfortunately, we're kind of stuck with this guy," Colbert said. "At this point he's basically herpes that loses your packages. And our postal system could get worse" under his new 10-year plan for higher rates, slower delivery, and shorter post office hours — "though he has introduced one-day package delivery, in that your package will be delivered one day." Peter Weber