"You guys remember that weird election audit that the Republican-controlled Senate of Arizona hired some Stop-the-Steal folks to do in Maricopa County?" Stephen Colbert asked on Monday's Late Show. "Well, we finally got the results, and the Republican-led audit reaffirmed Joe Biden's win." In fact, he said, "this audit is a crushing humiliation for the GOP, because not only was Biden found to be the winner again, but the search for fraudulent ballots actually yielded 99 additional votes for Biden and 261 fewer votes for the former president. Wow —wow! He really did get tired of winning."
Even with "MAGA fans" running the audit, Donald Trump lost ground, Colbert said. "That's like hiring your mom to judge the 'handsomest boy' contest — and still losing to a 78-year-old guy from Delaware." He showed Biden getting a COVID-19 booster shot on live TV Monday and quipped, "That is the first prick I've seen in the White House since January."
"When they offered Biden a booster, he said 'I'll take one in my arm and another for my approval rating,'" Jimmy Fallon joked on The Tonight Show. Meanwhile, Pfizer's CEO predicted Monday that "by this time next year, Americans can go back to normal activities, like storming Area 51 and eating Tide Pods."
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"I never thought I'd say this," but between the horse dewormer and huffing hydrogen peroxide, "I miss the old days when we were eating Tide Pods, for no health benefits whatsoever," Jimmy Kimmel sighed on Kimmel Live. His big takeaway from Biden's televised booster shot was "how hairy this man is."
In Arizona, "Trump lost the election he thought was rigged against him and then lost the audit of the election he thought was rigged for him, so now, in a desperate attempt to do as much damage to democracy as he possibly can, Trump is pushing for audits even in states he won," Colbert said. "Wouldn't it be hilarious if it turns out he lost Texas, too?"
The Arizona GOP's Cyber Ninjas "audit" really "blew up in their faces," Late Night's Seth Meyers said, but "maybe Trump and the GOP will just have to keep bringing in crazier right-wing groups with dumber and dumber names until they get the results they want." He also took a closer look at Rudy Giuliani's reported ban from Fox News, probably for similar reasons. Watch below.
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