Speed Reads

Last Night on Late Night

Stephen Colbert, Seth Meyers, and Jimmy Kimmel tie Trump's vote-seizure order, Fox News' green M&M fetish

As tensions build in Eastern Europe, "Britain accused Moscow of developing plans to install a pro-Russian leader in Ukraine," Stephen Colbert said on Monday's Late Show. "Oh, Ukraine, you don't want that. We just got rid of our pro-Russian leader, and he was a disaster."

Speaking of Donald Trump, "last week the Supreme Court rejected his request to keep certain documents secret from the Jan. 6 committee, and now we're finding out why he wanted to hide them so, so very badly," Colbert said. "On Friday, the committee received a draft executive order from Dec. 16, 2020, that would have directed the defense secretary to seize voting machines" as "part of a desperate stalling tactic to keep the ex-president in power until at least mid-February of 2021! Man, he will do anything to ruin Black History Month."

Yes, the draft executive order was a "last-ditch effort to keep Trump in power — a Sieg-Heil Mary, if you will," Jimmy Kimmel said on Kimmel Live. But "Trump is bigly upset right now because the House wants to chat with his daughter Ivanka to hear what she knows about the insurrection." In response, Trump accused the committee of going "after children." Kimmel laughed. "He knows that Ivanka is 40, right? I mean I know he missed a lot of birthdays, but you can't call them 'children' and also put them in charge of peace in the Middle East. It's one or the other."

President Biden, meanwhile, was caught Monday calling Fox News reporter Peter Doocy a "stupid son of a bitch," Kimmel noted. "I'm surprised Doocy didn't ask Biden to weigh in on the sexiness of M&Ms," which is "the big story, especially if you've been watching Fox News."

"It seems like almost every day we get new details about the threat to our democracy posed by Trump and his cronies as they plotted to overturn the 2020 election, so naturally Fox News has been laser-focused on the issues that matter most to Americans," the desexualization of Green M&M, Late Night's Seth Meyers said, doing a lengthy Tucker Carlson impression. With the military vote-seizure order "we just happened to get lucky, since Trump is too dumb to get his way and a bunch of people stopped him by threatening to quit. But what happens next time a Republican politician wants to use the military to stay in power? Are we just supposed to hope they get distracted by an M&M commercial?"