Morticians discover live man in body bag
Workers at a Mississippi funeral home got a shock when a corpse started moving inside his body bag. Morticians were about to start embalming 78-year-old Walter Williams, who had been declared dead several hours earlier, when coroner Dexter Howard noticed his leg twitching inside the bag. “Something wasn’t right,” said Howard. They unzipped the bag, discovered Williams was breathing, and rushed him to a nearby hospital. Williams’s daughter said her father couldn’t remember dying or being taken to the funeral home. “He said he was just asleep,” she explained.

Ellen DeGeneres's haunted house
Ellen DeGeneres thinks her new $40 million mansion is haunted, said the National Enquirer. Soon after moving into the Los Angeles home, the talk-show host started hearing strange noises, including footsteps, doors opening and closing, and a woman crying. “Ellen is totally freaked out,” said a source. DeGeneres suspects the property is haunted by its former owner—philanthropist Frances Brody, who died there in 2009—and plans to hire a spiritualist to conduct a cleansing ceremony. “She doesn’t want her new home to have any bad energy,” added the source, “and she’s not going to share it with Frances.”

The goat said yes, insists Nigerian man
A Nigerian man who was arrested for having sex with a goat insisted that he asked the animal for permission first. Village elders handed Malam Kamisu Baranda, 20, to police after he was caught being intimate with the animal. He told officers that the ruminant had consented, and that since he’d had sex with her on at least 10 occasions without incident, he assumed he was doing nothing wrong. A court sentenced him to two weeks in jail.