Burglars foiled when getaway van is stolen
A Washington state man turned the tables on burglars who were ransacking his home by stealing their getaway van. Patrick Rosario peeked through a door to see several men unhooking his flat-screen TV. He sneaked out the back door, jumped into the van he found idling in the driveway, and drove off. Police later found the burglars’ loot sitting by Rosario’s back door, indicating that they fled on foot when they realized the van was gone. “I wish I could have seen the look on their faces,” Rosario said.

Is Michael Jackson dying from a nose infection?

Michael Jackson thinks he may be dying of an infection in his surgically altered nose, says The National Enquirer. Jackson, 50, is “worried that he may have contracted the killer flesh-eating disease” during yet another surgery on his nose, says a close family friend. Jackson, who now has red-and-purple splotches on his face, has asked sister Janet to look after his three children in the event of his death. “Michael thinks the end is near,” the friend says.

Extinct species found in a Philippines food market
A species of quail long thought extinct was found this week in a Philippines food market, and promptly eaten. A TV crew captured footage of the rare Worcester’s buttonquail while filming at a Manila poultry market. Ornithologist Michael Lu said that while he was “ecstatic” to see proof the quail still exists, his joy was tempered by the fact that it was about to become someone’s dinner. “I feel sad,” said Lu, “that the locals do not value the biodiversity around them.”