Good week for:
A roadside barbecue, after a trailer truck on Utah’s I-15 spilled its load of 40,000 pounds of hamburger patties. Two and a half hours later, a truck on Utah’s I-84 spilled its load of beer.
Going to work, with the news that 40 percent of U.S. workers have dated an office colleague, with 31 percent marrying one, according to a Harris survey.
Confession, after the Vatican announced that men who go to hell—likely for sins of lust—will have their souls pelted with fire and brimstone, while women’s souls will be punished—probably for sins of pride—by being “broken on a wheel.”
Bad week for:
Mother-daughter relations, after unwed mother Bristol Palin, 18, said in a Fox News interview that in her experience, abstinence-only sex education “is not realistic at all.” Her mother, Gov. Sarah Palin, is a strong advocate of abstinence-only education.
Coming clean, after New York Yankees third baseman Alex Rodriguez held a press conference to lay to rest questions about his past steroid use, and insisted that an unnamed “cousin” repeatedly injected him with a drug called “boli” that Rodriguez knew nothing about. “I knew we weren’t taking Tic Tacs,” he conceded.
Osama bin Laden, after a University of California geographer announced he had calculated the likely location of the world’s most wanted man, based on satellite photos, the most recent sighting, and the terrorist’s need for high ceilings to accommodate his 6-foot-4 frame. Bin Laden, says Thomas Gillespie, is in one of three walled compounds in the Pakistani town of Parachinar.