Review: Stranded at sea on No Man's Fort

Not many hotels in Britain can rival No Man's Fort in terms of location. Stranded in the Solent, just off the coast of Portsmouth, the circular fort rises abruptly from teal waters that crash against its base. Approaching the fort by boat, its brutal exterior – all sea-weathered concrete, iron plates and railings – looks like the most unlikely setting for a top class hotel. But step onto the metal stairs and through the fort's main doors and any fears you might have that you'll be roughing it out at sea are soon forgotten.

No Man's Fort is one of a series of sea forts commissioned by Lord Palmerston in the 19th century to protect Britain from a French invasion. They were never needed for that purpose, but continued to be manned until the 1940s when they were decommissioned and left derelict.

Over the years they've changed hands but barely seen any activity, apart from hosting some seriously hardcore 1990s raves. Then Mike Clare, the entrepreneur behind Dreams beds, bought them all with the aim of adapting them into luxury hotels.

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The smallest fort, Spitbank, opened in 2012 after a major revamp. It has just eight bedrooms and offers 24-hour packages for guests. No Man's Fort followed in 2015. It's three times the size of Spitbank, with 22 bedrooms.

We set off from Portsmouth harbour at midday and arrived at No Man's Fort 45 minutes later. Within minutes we were sipping prosecco in the hotel's glass-roofed atrium. The fort's exterior is brutal, but the inside is very civilised with cream furnishings, wicker furniture and wooden floors. Nautical features abound, such as knotted ropes and lifesaver rings, and there are deckchairs scattered here and there.

First came the tour of our digs for the day. We descended to the fort's lowest level, a network of corridors and rooms that is the most unrestored part of the building. Our guide Vicky explained how soldiers would toil away rigging up vast cannons (of which there is a replica). But these historic rooms also have another surprising function – they play host to Laser Quest for large corporate groups.

Back upstairs we were taken through the games room and cards room. The fort is structured with exposed brick walls that still bear the wrought-iron hooks that were once used by sailors to put cannons in place. Dotted around the circumference are gun ports that are now windows. Imagine the place without sofas and lighting and you get a real sense of how arduous and isolated life was for those posted here.

Finally, we were taken to the fort's highlight: the top deck. Here artificial grass is laid out and decorated with park benches, two hot tubs, a boules pit and a helipad. Standing tall is the lighthouse where we took in the 360 degree view: in one direction is the Isle of Wight, in another Portsmouth Harbour. The clouds that had masked the sky in the morning disappeared, allowing us to see as far as the New Forest.

Lunch, consisting of salads, seafood and pasta, was taken in a cobbled passage of a restaurant called La Resistance. Then the afternoon was ours.

There's something wonderful about knowing that you're stranded at sea. There's no guilt about staying put rather than exploring the surroundings because there's nowhere to go. Unless there's an emergency you can only leave when the boat comes to collect you the next day. So we took advantage of the isolation, spending the afternoon sitting on the top deck and drinking beer in the sunshine. When the light began to fade we slipped into the fort's hot tub – also on the top deck – and watched the sun descend into the horizon.

At 7.30pm all guests are instructed to gather for drinks and canapes in the atrium before dinner is served at 8pm. Bizarrely, we were left for over an hour while others around us are whisked away to dinner. Later we discovered that the logistical problem of feeding 40-plus mouths simultaneously means that seating times have to be staggered. Hopefully this system will be improved – we sat with hungry eyes looking jealously as others made their way to the dining room before us.

Finally, at 9pm, we were taken to our table in the 'mess hall', a spacious, candle-lit area decorated with sailors' uniforms hanging from hooks.

The food that the kitchen rustled up was seriously good. A starter of goat's cheese was jazzed up with quince terrine, hazelnut praline and beetroot jam. Pheasant and chanterelle terrine with sourdough croute, cider pickled mushroom and white truffle oil was elegant and rich.

But the mains were the real stars of the show. I tucked into a grilled hake fillet with crushed potato, fennel pollen vegetables drenched in crab bisque. My partner opted for the roasted rump of salt aged lamb, accompanied with Dauphinoise potato, candy baby beets, heritage carrots, and a redcurrant jus.

Classic desserts on offer include a sticky toffee pudding (perfect) and a chocolate pot de creme with chocolate biscotti.

After dinner, we crawled back up to the top deck where a fire pit was blazing and marshmallows were being toasted over it. Wrapping ourselves in blankets, we joined the other guests, sipping hot chocolate laced with rum underneath a clear night sky.

On our way to bed, we passed an empty cabaret bar, where disco lights were spinning out into a barren space. On some evenings the fort hosts themed party evenings but nothing was going on the night we were there. The room felt a bit out of kilter with the rest of the hotel, a little Butlins.

Our bedroom was spacious and pleasantly modest, with a cast-iron bed, striped wallpaper, a cream carpet and an original vaulted ceiling. After leaving our blinds open, we woke with a seemingly-endless view out across the channel.

Breakfast was served at 8.30am. With one last glance at the lighthouse to take in that stupendous view, we descended the metal stairway, clambered onto the boat and were whisked back to shore.

To book a night at No Man's Fort visit solentforts.com or call 023 9268 4806. You can also visit the fort for the day (with lunch included).