Good week for:
Hillary Clinton, who was paid $450,000 to make a single speech to the Chicago Mercantile Exchange’s Global Financial Leadership Conference in Naples, Fla., according to the Chicago Sun-Times.
Closing your car windows, after Wisconsin highway officials began testing a salty, smelly by-product of cheese making, known as “cheese brine,” to de-ice the state’s roads. “I don’t really mind [the odor],” said highway worker Emil Norby, who came up with the idea. “Our roads smell like Wisconsin!”
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College pranks, after a group of Harvard University students sneaked onto Yale’s campus and gave fake tours to prospective students. The guides told touring families that Yalies are “stupider,” “less successful,” and “less attractive” than their Harvard peers.
Bad week for:
Mick Jagger, after the Rolling Stones singer, 70, discovered that he is going to be a great-grandfather. “I’m not sure he likes the idea of getting old, or being called [great-granddad],” said his pregnant granddaughter, Assisi, 21.
Squeezing the fruit, after poisonous black widow spiders were found on grapes in several supermarkets across the Midwest. “I saw the legs moving frantically,” said one Wisconsin shopper. “I thought, ‘That is a very big spider.’”
Ignoring your alarm clock, after a Connecticut woman admitted phoning bomb threats to three courthouses because she was running late and wanted to postpone her hearing on a minor criminal charge. Jennifer Chirico, 31, now faces up to 10 years in jail.
