Good week for:
Freudian slips, after Vice President Joe Biden told an inauguration party in Iowa that “I’m proud to be president of the United States,” triggering new speculation that he plans to run in 2016.
Sibling rivalry, after John and Jim Harbaugh led their respective teams, the Baltimore Ravens and the San Francisco 49ers, to victory in conference championship games, setting up the first brother vs. brother coaching matchup in Super Bowl history.
Frying up some fish and chips, after four large, barrel-shaped chunks of lard from World War II washed up on a beach in northeast Scotland. The animal fat, which is thought to have come from a sunken cargo ship, “still looks and smells good enough to have a fry-up with,” said a local.
Bad week for:
Beyoncé, after it was revealed that the pop siren lip-synced “The Star Spangled Banner” at President Obama’s inauguration. A spokesman for the U.S. Marine Corps Band expressed surprise that Beyoncé used a recording, since “we all know she has the pipes.”
Subway, after it was discovered that many of the sandwich chain’s “Footlong” subs are in fact only 11 to 11.5 inches long. Subway said the name Footlong “was not intended to be a measurement of length.”
Respecting your elders, after Japan’s finance minister, Taro Aso, said that the elderly should “hurry up and die” to help cut the country’s soaring health-care costs. The 72-year-old added that he would refuse end-of-life care, and planned to “die quickly.”