According to Mark Meadows, former President Donald Trump "tested positive for COVID a few days before his first debate with Joe Biden," Stephen Colbert said on Wednesday's Late Show. Three days afterward he was hospitalized with COVID, "but who could have known that he might have been positive at the debate that Tuesday? Let's ask my good friend, me from last year." He showed the goods.
Trump treated a second, negative test result as license to act like nothing happened, Colbert said, but "Meadows took a totally different view and 'instructed everyone in the president's immediate circle to treat him as if he was positive.' So no touching him, no getting close to him, avoid him unless absolutely necessary — a strategy the CDC calls The Melania."
"Meadows wrote that when he informed Trump he tested positive, Trump replied, 'Oh, sh-t, you've gotta be f---ing kidding me' — which is what most of us said when he was elected president," Jimmy Kimmel said on Kimmel Live. "Sadly, testing positive for COVID was the only positive thing he did in four years a president."
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Meanwhile, "despite living in New Jersey for the past two decades, Dr. Oz is running as a Republican in Pennsylvania," Kimmel said. "But he promises to be the best New Jersey senator Pennsylvania has ever had."
The Tonight Show's Jimmy Fallon tested some Senate campaign slogans for Dr. Oz. The hands-down winner? "I Know Oprah."
"CNN has suspended Chris Cuomo indefinitely for his role in advising his brother, Andrew Cuomo, during his recent scandal," Fallon added. "Yep, Chris Cuomo knew something was up when CNN added a suspension countdown clock."
"The big problem is that Chris used his influence as a CNN journalist to help dig up info on Andrew's accusers, and people, that's not what CNN is about," Trevor Noah said on The Daily Show. "CNN is about sitting 12 people together at a desk and having them yell at each other about whether Adele's Las Vegas residency is going to hurt Biden's poll numbers or not."
Trump ignoring his positive COVID test "is very relatable — I mean, that's why you second opinions," Noah said. But it was "especially irresponsible" that he then "went on stage and screamed at 98-year-old Joe Biden for two hours. Now, I'm not saying that Trump was trying to assassinate Joe Biden, but he definitely wasn't going out of his way to avoid it." He also slyly solved America's abortion argument.
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September 6 editorial cartoonsCartoons Saturday’s political cartoons include profiting from authoritarianism, and the National Guard entering the CDC
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DC sues Trump to end Guard 'occupation'Speed Read D.C. Attorney General Brian Schwalb argues that the unsolicited military presence violates the law
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RFK Jr. faces bipartisan heat in Senate hearingSpeed Read The health secretary defended his leadership amid CDC turmoil and deflected questions about the restricted availability of vaccines
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White House defends boat strike as legal doubts mountSpeed Read Experts say there was no legal justification for killing 11 alleged drug-traffickers
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Epstein accusers urge full file release, hint at own listspeed read A rally was organized by Reps. Ro Khanna and Thomas Massie, who are hoping to force a vote on their Epstein Files Transparency Act
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Court hands Harvard a win in Trump funding battleSpeed Read The Trump administration was ordered to restore Harvard's $2 billion in research grants
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Florida aims to end all state vaccine requirementsSpeed Read Health Secretary Robert F. Kennedy Jr. continues to cut vaccine access and install anti-vaccine activists at the FDA and CDC
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US kills 11 on 'drug-carrying boat' off VenezuelaSpeed Read Trump claimed those killed in the strike were 'positively identified Tren de Aragua Narcoterrorists' shipping drugs to the US
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Trump vows to send federal forces to Chicago, BaltimoreSpeed Read The announcement followed a California judge ruling that Trump's LA troop deployment was illegal
