Late night hosts joke about Trump's secret COVID test, CNN's Cuomo suspension, Dr. Oz's Senate run

According to Mark Meadows, former President Donald Trump "tested positive for COVID a few days before his first debate with Joe Biden," Stephen Colbert said on Wednesday's Late Show. Three days afterward he was hospitalized with COVID, "but who could have known that he might have been positive at the debate that Tuesday? Let's ask my good friend, me from last year." He showed the goods.
Trump treated a second, negative test result as license to act like nothing happened, Colbert said, but "Meadows took a totally different view and 'instructed everyone in the president's immediate circle to treat him as if he was positive.' So no touching him, no getting close to him, avoid him unless absolutely necessary — a strategy the CDC calls The Melania."
"Meadows wrote that when he informed Trump he tested positive, Trump replied, 'Oh, sh-t, you've gotta be f---ing kidding me' — which is what most of us said when he was elected president," Jimmy Kimmel said on Kimmel Live. "Sadly, testing positive for COVID was the only positive thing he did in four years a president."
Subscribe to The Week
Escape your echo chamber. Get the facts behind the news, plus analysis from multiple perspectives.

Sign up for The Week's Free Newsletters
From our morning news briefing to a weekly Good News Newsletter, get the best of The Week delivered directly to your inbox.
From our morning news briefing to a weekly Good News Newsletter, get the best of The Week delivered directly to your inbox.
Meanwhile, "despite living in New Jersey for the past two decades, Dr. Oz is running as a Republican in Pennsylvania," Kimmel said. "But he promises to be the best New Jersey senator Pennsylvania has ever had."
The Tonight Show's Jimmy Fallon tested some Senate campaign slogans for Dr. Oz. The hands-down winner? "I Know Oprah."
"CNN has suspended Chris Cuomo indefinitely for his role in advising his brother, Andrew Cuomo, during his recent scandal," Fallon added. "Yep, Chris Cuomo knew something was up when CNN added a suspension countdown clock."
"The big problem is that Chris used his influence as a CNN journalist to help dig up info on Andrew's accusers, and people, that's not what CNN is about," Trevor Noah said on The Daily Show. "CNN is about sitting 12 people together at a desk and having them yell at each other about whether Adele's Las Vegas residency is going to hurt Biden's poll numbers or not."
Trump ignoring his positive COVID test "is very relatable — I mean, that's why you second opinions," Noah said. But it was "especially irresponsible" that he then "went on stage and screamed at 98-year-old Joe Biden for two hours. Now, I'm not saying that Trump was trying to assassinate Joe Biden, but he definitely wasn't going out of his way to avoid it." He also slyly solved America's abortion argument.
A free daily email with the biggest news stories of the day – and the best features from TheWeek.com
Peter has worked as a news and culture writer and editor at The Week since the site's launch in 2008. He covers politics, world affairs, religion and cultural currents. His journalism career began as a copy editor at a financial newswire and has included editorial positions at The New York Times Magazine, Facts on File, and Oregon State University.
-
July 22 editorial cartoons
Cartoons Tuesday's political cartoons include Donald Trump's birthday wishes for Jeffrey Epstein, Tulsi Gabbard, and renaming the Washington Commanders
-
Are we facing a summer of riots?
Today's Big Question Anti-immigrant unrest in Essex has sparked fears of a summer of disorder
-
The best UK waterside pubs to enjoy the summer heat
The Week Recommends These are a few pubs with 'waterside charm' to 'soak it all in'
-
Japan's prime minister feels pressure after election losses
Speed Read Shigeru Ishiba has vowed to remain in office
-
President diagnosed with 'chronic venous insufficiency'
Speed Read The vein disorder has given Trump swollen ankles and visible bruising on his hands
-
'Bawdy' Trump letter supercharges Epstein scandal
Speed Read The Wall Street Journal published details of Trump's alleged birthday letter to Epstein
-
Fed chair Powell in Trump's firing line
Speed Read The president considers removing Federal Reserve Chairman Jerome Powell
-
Trump trashes supporters over Epstein files
speed read The president lashed out on social media following criticism of his administration's Jeffrey Epstein investigation
-
Judge nixes wiping medical debt from credit checks
Speed Read Medical debt can now be included in credit reports
-
Grijalva wins Democratic special primary for Arizona
Speed Read She will go up against Republican nominee Daniel Butierez to fill the US House seat her father held until his death earlier this year
-
US inflation jumps as Trump tariffs 'bite'
Speed Read Consumer prices are climbing and the inflation rate rose to its highest level in four months