Speed Reads

Last Night on Late Night

Late night hosts find the common thread between the Spider-Man trailer, COVID-19, and Biden

"Today the U.S. intelligence agencies finished their review on the origins of COVID-19 — then Americans said, 'Hold that thought, there's a new Spider-Man trailer, y'all!'" Jimmy Fallon said on Tuesday's Tonight Show. "In the trailer, Spider-Man visits Doctor Strange and asks him to turn back time, then President Biden shows up and asks for the same thing." An unclassified version of the COVID-19 origins report will soon be released to the public, "and like everything with this pandemic, I'm sure Americans will fully accept the truth and it will put all conspiracy theories to rest," he deadpanned. 

"Well, this is going viral — the other day, Rudy Giuliani was spotted in the Delta lounge at JFK, shaving," Fallon said. "Then Rudy left to do a press conference at Four Seasons Total Manscaping." Pfizer is rebranding its newly FDA-approved COVID-19 vaccine "Comirnaty," he said, showing how that gave Johnson & Johnson a perfect opening.

"Following the full approval of Pfizer's coronavirus vaccine, the company revealed it would start marketing the drug under the name Comirnaty," Seth Meyers said at Late Night. "So now people will start referring to the Pfizer vaccine as the Pfizer vaccine."

"President Biden today met virtually with the leaders of the G7 countries to discuss Afghanistan, and he even pulled out of that a little too quickly," Meyers said. New York Gov. Andrew Cuomo (D), in his resignation speech Monday night, "said he was treated unfairly," he added. "Yeah, what kind of white man whose dad was also governor only gets 10 years in office? On his last day in office, former New York Gov. Andrew Cuomo issued one pardon, and this is weird, it was for future Andrew Cuomo."

"According to a new study, eating one hot dog takes 35 minutes off an individual's life," Meyers said. "And in a tragic development, competitive eater Joey Chestnut has passed away in 1756, at the age of negative 227."

One Direction's Irish alumnus Niall Horan hosted Jimmy Kimmel Live, and while he avoided topical jokes, he did discuss what Americans get wrong about Ireland and played a colorful game of golf with the Jonas Brothers.