Speed Reads

things are getting heavy

Nick Offerman offers an alternative to the pesky convenience of texting emojis

Nick Offerman offers an alternative to the pesky convenience of texting emojis

Are you disillusioned at just how easy it is to express your emotions these days? Annoyed that emojis have taken all the difficulty of word choice and adjective placement out of routine communication? Dying to put a little more effort into your "hey im gonna b late 4 lunch" notices? Parks and Recreation star and noted woodworker Nick Offerman has a solution for you:

That's right kids: To truly bare your soul, all you need is an industrial burlap sack, pocket varnish (or shellac!), a hammer, nails, and extreme bicep strength. Call now!