Jimmy Kimmel, solo candidate for vice president of the United States, brought out his podium on Thursday's Kimmel Live to warn about an "embarrassing" threat from Down Under. "My fellow Americans, a man in Australia somehow managed to come up with the hamburger-hot dog hybrid before we did, and that is just flat-out unacceptable," he said. "This country was built on hamburgers and hot dogs!" By not inventing the "hamdog" first, he argued, "we got beaten, quite frankly, by people who can't get their toilets to flush in the right direction. Are we even allowed to call ourselves America anymore?"
"We used to be innovators," Kimmel said. "Who put cheese in a spray can? We did! Who put jelly in the same jar as the peanut butter so you wouldn't have to open two lids? We did! We need to bring American ingenuity back to America. We need to be the ones inventing the things that will kill us." And if you don't find Kimmel's patriotic exhortation to "make that hamdog wish it was born in the United States" amusing, you can try out Stephen Colbert's very similar rant from Wednesday night. Because, innovation. Peter Weber
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