Speed Reads

last night on late night

Stephen Colbert begs Trump supporters to leave Rogue One alone

Stephen Colbert kicked off Tuesday's Late Show with a look at President-elect Donald Trump's parade of Cabinet applicants. "So far it's been a who's who of why, what?" Colbert said. "And today brought the strangest news yet, because this morning the president-elect met at Trump Tower with Kanye West. You can tell it was a high-powered meeting because Kanye is wearing his formal sweatsuit." The meeting was obviously "a security risk, gathering the two most powerful American narcissists in the same room," he said, but not to worry: Shia LaBeouf was squirreled away in a safe location.

Kanye and Trump ended their meeting with a bro hug, Colbert noted, adding, "I heard these two are going to drop an album together — it's called The Deportation of Pablo." He speculated as to what Cabinet position Trump could place Kanye in — "Which government agency regulates diamond masks and track pants?" — but said it isn't secretary of state. That went to ExxonMobil CEO Rex Tillerson — and not to Mitt Romney, who was considered a frontrunner after his fancy dinner out with Trump. "It was nice — they had frog legs in a reduction of Romney's dignity," Colbert said. And adding insult to Romney's injuries, Trump is tapping another former harsh critic, Rick Perry, for energy secretary. "If he is half as good at being energy secretary as he is at dancing, there's going to be a lot of nuclear waste spills," Colbert said, playing clips of Perry's recent turn on Dancing with the Stars.

Colbert tried to end on a non-political note, talking about the upcoming Star Wars movie Rogue One, but that led to a plea to Trump fans calling for a boycott of the film. "Please, from my heart, please, 2016 has been a rough ride," he said. "All year, one shining beacon of hope I've had to look forward to at the end of this year is the new Star Wars, so I am begging you, in the name of Obi Wan Kenobi's shimmering ghost, just shut up and let me enjoy Rogue One." The movie takes place in another galaxy — it isn't secretly about Trump, Colbert said. "Can't we all agree, no matter your political leanings, we all believe our side is the Rebel Alliance?" Watch below. Peter Weber