Speed Reads

Late Night Tackles President Trump

Stephen Colbert has a Betsy DeVos math problem, and a robe for Donald Trump

Stephen Colbert kicked off Tuesday's Late Show talking about Stephen Bannon, President Trump's chief strategist, Vatican machinator, and reputed power behind Trump's throne. "A lot of people are saying he's really the guy running the White House, but I'm not sure I believe that, because there's no proof that anyone is running the White House right now," Colbert said. He noted that talk of President Bannon appears to be getting under Trump's skin. "If he doesn't like the Bannon rumors, he's really not going to like this," Colbert said, holding up the cover of the new Time magazine featuring Bannon looking "like a helmetless Darth Vader on meth."

The big news of the day is the Senate confirming Betsy DeVos. "Our secretary of education has never attended, worked in, or sent her kids to public schools, so how did she get the nomination?" Colbert asked. "Well, there's a tiny chance that money played a role." DeVos and her family have donated $200 million to Republican causes, including four GOP senators on her confirmation committee. "Oh, that reminds me of a math problem," he said. "Betsy has $200 million. She needs 50 votes. How much money can she give to each senator to make sure public schools get less?" Still, her confirmation was a victory for Republicans — who also introduced a bill today to eliminate the Department of Education. "Congratulations, Betsy, you're the new pilot of the Hindenberg. Got a light?"

In the second half, Colbert noted that Trump insists former President Barack Obama likes him, then poked holes in the list of 78 terrorist attacks the White House passed out, rife with inaccuracies, extensively covered attacks, and bad spelling. "So at least we know Steve Bannon isn't a grammar nazi," he said. He ended with the assertion by White House Press Secretary Sean Spicer that Trump doesn't own or wear a bathrobe. "I for one, I'm shocked that Trump doesn't own a bathrobe, because we know he loves them," Colbert said, brandishing photographic evidence. "While I may not agree with Donald Trump's politics, I'll be damned if I'm going to live in a country where my president wanders out on the front lawn in his boxers to pick up the morning copy of the failing New York Times. So Mr. President, we have a gift for you." Watch the grand unveiling below. Peter Weber