Speed Reads

Late Night Tackles President Trump

Stephen Colbert's conservative alter-ego has only one concern about Trump's budget plan

President Trump's budget blueprint is a big enough deal to have brought Stephen Colbert's conservative-pundit alter-ego, "Stephen Colbert," out of retirement on Monday's Late Show. "You know, folks, Trump's budget is getting heat because it's supposedly cruel to old people for no reason, when in fact they've got a very good reason," Pundit Colbert said. "And that brings us to tonight's WERD" — in this case: "Screw Unto Others."

While many people have called Trump's proposed budget lacking in compassion, White House budget director Mick Mulvaney argued that it is full of compassion, for taxpayers. "Now, Mulvaney had to cut Meals on Wheels because they 'failed to meet their objectives,'" Colbert said. "Yes! It's called Meals on Wheels, but how often do you see a hamburger driving down the highway?" ("Very rare," said the WERD screen.) "Now folks, I know what you're saying: 'They did meet their objectives, Stephen; they brought food to the elderly,'" he added. "Well, technically yes, Greg, and we all know what happens to food after we eat it. We are literally throwing money down the toilet." ("Flush With Cash")

But conservative pundit Colbert did have one concern about Trump's blueprint. "The only thing that worries me is that this isn't actually a budget," he explained. "You see, this is just the president's wish list, and Mick Mulvaney is just Trump's magical monkey paw. Congress are the only ones who can make a budget, so my real worry here is that a lot of people might go to House.gov and find out how to call their congressman and tell them to protect kids and old people." You see what he did there. If enough people call, that could derail Trump's "compassion, and that might upset that lonely old man." Watch Colbert complete the circle below. Peter Weber