Stephen Colbert tackles White House paranoia, Jeff Sessions' reefer madness, separately


"Apparently, paranoia has seized the Trump White House," Stephen Colbert said on The Late Show Tuesday night. "I'm surprised — I thought Russia was going to seize it." White House staffers are reportedly so paranoid about leaks to the media and meddling by the "deep state" that they're going to great lengths so the feds and administration rivals don't listen in on them. "Now, what is a deep state?" Colbert asked. "I thought it's what you achieve after doing three bong hits and watching Planet Earth," but apparently it's less interesting: a permanent national security bureaucracy supposedly calling the shots.
Really, "I think this paranoia is just the frustration every new administration has with Washington, D.C.," Colbert said. "You went to Washington, you went to work for Trump, because you wanted to tear down the government. Now you have to deal with it, now you are the government. It's like a dog who spent his whole life chasing a car, now he has to drive the car. We're not happy about it either, by the way. Remember, we're in the back seat of a car driven by a dog now."
That somehow brought him back to pot, and Jeff Sessions' comments on the relative dangers of weed last week. "Sure, marijuana's only slightly less awful than heroin — like how burning your tongue on hot cocoa is only slightly less awful than being set on fire," Colbert said. "Sessions really is uptight. If only there was some way to mellow him out, something that's legal in half of America at this point."
The Week
Escape your echo chamber. Get the facts behind the news, plus analysis from multiple perspectives.

Sign up for The Week's Free Newsletters
From our morning news briefing to a weekly Good News Newsletter, get the best of The Week delivered directly to your inbox.
From our morning news briefing to a weekly Good News Newsletter, get the best of The Week delivered directly to your inbox.
By the way, if you're wondering why, with so much going on in Washington, Colbert spent his monologue on a Politico story from last week and a March 15 Jeff Sessions quote, Ryan Reynolds sort of gives the game away below. Peter Weber
A free daily email with the biggest news stories of the day – and the best features from TheWeek.com
Peter has worked as a news and culture writer and editor at The Week since the site's launch in 2008. He covers politics, world affairs, religion and cultural currents. His journalism career began as a copy editor at a financial newswire and has included editorial positions at The New York Times Magazine, Facts on File, and Oregon State University.
-
6 products and apps to help fight jet lag
The Week Recommends Don't let travel fatigue drag you down
-
September 2 editorial cartoons
Cartoons Tuesday's political cartoons include Labor Day redefined, an exodus from the CDC, and Donald Trump shouting down rumors
-
The trial of Jair Bolsonaro, the 'Trump of the tropics'
The Explainer Brazil's former president will likely be found guilty of attempting military coup, despite US pressure and Trump allegiance
-
Florida erases rainbow crosswalk at Pulse nightclub
Speed Read The colorful crosswalk was outside the former LGBTQ nightclub where 49 people were killed in a 2016 shooting
-
Trump says Smithsonian too focused on slavery's ills
Speed Read The president would prefer the museum to highlight 'success,' 'brightness' and 'the future'
-
Trump to host Kennedy Honors for Kiss, Stallone
Speed Read Actor Sylvester Stallone and the glam-rock band Kiss were among those named as this year's inductees
-
White House seeks to bend Smithsonian to Trump's view
Speed Read The Smithsonian Institution's 21 museums are under review to ensure their content aligns with the president's interpretation of American history
-
Charlamagne Tha God irks Trump with Epstein talk
Speed Read The radio host said the Jeffrey Epstein scandal could help 'traditional conservatives' take back the Republican Party
-
CBS cancels Colbert's 'Late Show'
Speed Read 'The Late Show with Stephen Colbert' is ending next year
-
Shakespeare not an absent spouse, study proposes
speed read A letter fragment suggests that the Shakespeares lived together all along, says scholar Matthew Steggle
-
New Mexico to investigate death of Gene Hackman, wife
speed read The Oscar-winning actor and his wife Betsy Arakawa were found dead in their home with no signs of foul play